More Little Johnny Jokes
Teacher: “Johnny, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?”
Little Johnny: “You told me to do it without using tables.”
Teacher: “Johnny, go to the map and find North America.”
Little Johnny: “Here it is.”
Teacher: “Correct. Now, who discovered America?”
Little Johnny: “Johnny.”
Teacher: “Now, Johnny, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?”
Little Johnny: “No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.”
Basketball Coach: “I believe you’ve grown two feet over the summer.”
Little Johnny: “No, coach – I still only have two.”
Chemistry Teacher: “What is the formula for water?”
Little Johnny: “H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O.”
Chemistry Teacher: “Why would you give a silly answer like that?”
Little Johnny: “You said it was H to O!”
Good Reason to Stop Studying
Boy: “I’ve decided to stop studying.”
Mother: “How come?”
Boy: “I heard that that someone was shot dead, because he knew too much.”
Joke: Russian Lady Who Doesn’t Speak English
This joke looks long, but its really worth reading. Check it out:
A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto . The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn’t know how to put forward her request, so, in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message and gave her the chicken legs.
Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn’t know how to say it, so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken breasts.
On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store…
What were you
thinking?
Her husband speaks English!
Now get back to your work.
5 Great Little Johnny Jokes
Teacher: “Johnny, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?”
Little Johnny: “You told me to do it without using tables.”
Teacher: “Now, Johnny, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?”
Little Johnny: “No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.”
Basketball Coach: “I believe you’ve grown two feet over the summer.”
Little Johnny: “No, coach – I still only have two.”
Chemistry Teacher: “What is the formula for water?”
Little Johnny: “H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O.”
Chemistry Teacher: “Why would you give a silly answer like that?”
Little Johnny: “You said it was H to O!”
Dad: ”I’m sorry you flunked your math test. How far were you from the right answer?”
Little Johnny: “Three seats.”
5 Hilarious Little Johnny Jokes
Teacher: “What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?”
Little Johnny: “A teacher.”
View more after the jump.
History Teacher: “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?”
Little Johnny: “Because George still had the ax in his hand.”
Teacher: “Johnny, your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?”
Little Johnny: “No, teacher, it’s the same dog.”
Teacher: “Johnny, give me a sentence starting with ‘I.’ ”
Little Johnny: “I is…”
Teacher: “No, Johnny. Always say, ‘I am.’ ”
Little Johnny: “All right. ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’ ”
Teacher: “Johnny, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’ ”
Little Johnny: “K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L”
Teacher: “No, that’s wrong.”
Little Johnny: “Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.”
7 Really Hilarious Court Disorders
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
What Happens When You Go To A Dentist And Don’t Like Needles
A man goes to an oral surgeon to have a tooth pulled. The dentist pulls out a needle with numbing medicine to give the man.
‘No way! No needles! I hate needles!’ the patient said. So the dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects.
‘I can’t do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!’ The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill.
‘No objection,’ the patient says, ‘I am fine with pills.’ The dentist then returns and says, ‘Here’s a Viagra tablet.’ The patient says, ‘Wow – I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain killer!’
‘It doesn’t,’ said the dentist, ‘but it will give you something to hold onto when I pull out your tooth.’