32 Brilliant Erudite Concepts

These are some great quotes by Boswell D. Rabbitsmith, an erudite scientist. He is also known as a comedian by the name of Steve Wright.

1. I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2. Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.
3. Half the people you know are below average.
4. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. 2.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8. If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9. All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
10. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11. I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
12. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
13. How can you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
14. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16. When everything seems to be coming your way, maybe you’re in the wrong lane.
17. Ambition is a poor excuse for not being smart enough to be lazy.
18. Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
19. I intend to live forever… so far, so good.
20. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
22. What happens if you get scared half to death…twice?
23. My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
24. “Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
28. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
31. Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have film.
32. If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

You aren’t wealthy until you posses something money can’t buy

Here’s an inspirational quote for today: You aren’t wealthy until you posses something money can’t buy. - Garth Brooks

If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

35 things to live by

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.

6. An excellent approach to housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13.Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a muffin in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides nice contrast to the real world.

25. It ain’t the jeans that make your arse look fat.

26. If you had to identify in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”

27. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and mental illness.

28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

29. You should not confuse your career with your life.

30. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

31. Never lick a steak knife.

32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

35. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside we ALL believe we are good drivers.

Roses are red, violets are blue, use Google, it’s better than Yahoo!

Here’s a really good quote I thought of a long time ago:

Roses are red, violets are blue, use Google, it’s better than Yahoo!

Damn, that rhymes well. And yeah, quote me!