sunflowers · 5 years ago
Q: What's the difference between a filthy bus stop and a lobster with big breasts?
A: One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean!
deleted · 5 years ago
What's the difference between a hockey player and a hippie girl?
A hockey player showers after 3 periods.
captainjackharknes · 5 years ago
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
wimsyexpergefactor · 5 years ago
Ohmygosh that's all not very cheering up (idk about the vids tho bcuz the link doesn't work on my phone haha) although the crustacean one is key hilarious.
rydler · 5 years ago
The word
Flarp. Say it very deeply. Very threateningly. To get into the character for it, here is the scene:
The old man Steven Harpeldin has accidentaly taken your kitten home by mistake. You, a dark and ruthless Mafia grunt, must get him back. You are currently heading towards his house, no matter what, you will get Snugglemuffin Jr III back.
wimsyexpergefactor · 5 years ago
Hahaha so true
captainjackharknes · 5 years ago
Every day, someone unknowingly takes the largest shit of the day.
Mice cannot burp or fart, so soda would be deadly.
A cow can go up stairs, but not down them.
Calling someone a pussy is not referring to the female genitalia. In fact it sterms from pusillanimous, meaning cowardly.
Farting burns approximately 67 calories. Farting 52 times a day can burn a whole pound of fat.
Printer ink is more expensive than human blood.
Every book in existence is just a remix of the dictionary.
The tale about eating spiders in your sleep is untrue. It originated from a person trying to prove how easily rumors spread. Spiders are too smart to get near your mouth.
Most of these, while true, are also ridiculous, and probably not ever going to help anyone in life, unless they end up on a gameshow, and somehow are asked something about these topics.
captainjackharknes · 5 years ago
those are now things you know.
matthewg · 5 years ago
Gonna need sources on the fart one.
this_isntme · 5 years ago
Was the Spider thing the same guy that said Avril Lavigne had been replaced by Melissa? Because that guy needs a kick in the sack.