creativedragonbaby · 5 years ago
Someone had a used wishing book. They wished for knuckle dusters “thoughts and prayers” which did psychic and radiant damage. Two knuckle-dusted hands rose out of the book... and gave him the middle finger
mrfahrenheit · 5 years ago
Door is locked. Cannot be opened. Magic didn't work, and nobody rolled high enough strength. I walk over, a 4 foot 5 TempestCleric Hill Dwarf. I smash my head in the door, take 1 damage, and use Wrath of the Storm as a reaction attack. Door explodes.
wimsyexpergefactor · 5 years ago
I was spectating on my brothers game and this stupidity happened. (I was supposed to be studying tbh but they are more fun to watch.) to set the scene, randomized quest, and in the middle of it, they hit an obstacle. 'Do not touch' is practically posted everywhere. Death, doom, chaos, darkness and lava all in river form blocks the path. What does my brother's party vote to do to surmount this obstacle? CrOSs THe DeaTH RiVeR ON FOOT WITHoUT EveN CHECkiNg FoR ThE BRidGe (Tattered but there) ThRee PaCes AheAD. (To be fair they were hopped up on red bulls and an unhealthy avoidance for reality at the time but still) They honestly are a bunch of blockheads and TWO OF THEM ARE ENGINEERS AND ONE IS A LEGIT ROCKET SCIENTIST. I simply cannot.
tarotnathers13th · 5 years ago
My party had been charged with escorting a caravan of supplies to a for that was long overdue for a resupply, and we took it, since we were heading towards that fort anyways. As with all things, it did not go smoothly, but there was only one interruption on out trip. An elf in the middle of road, dressed in a light brown robe, laughing merrily as we approached. We politely asked him to move so we could continue out journey, but the prick said we would not be going anywhere unless we answered his riddles. Being uneducated in the fine art of wordsmithing,, we did not answer any of his riddles correctly, , and he had said if we failed to answer them, he would take something from us. My friend, playing a gnome wizard, had sensed something magically amiss with the stranger, He attempted to do away with the magic by dispelling it, but that turned the strangers mood sour.
tarotnathers13th · 5 years ago
He leveled a dreadful look at the two of us who had approached him, and said he had one final riddle before the game was over. We failed it, and before our very eyes, he turned into a brass dragon, and promptly flew off with one of the wagons we were supposed to protect. He did this twice more, all the while we were escorting people away from the dragon, throwing arrows with about as much effectiveness as spitting onto him. But on the last wagon he was flying off with, my character, Jack trawler, hedge knight and de facto pugilist of the Riot Troop, took one last aim with a bow he snatched from a guard, and let loose one final arrow. A critical hit ensured, and the entire party watched mouth agape as the arrow flew just beneath the dragons wing, and into it's rib cage. There was a howl, and a crash as the dragon dropped from the skies and slammed into the forest around us. For a second I stood there with the dawning realization I had ascended to Dragon slayer status.
tarotnathers13th · 5 years ago
I turned to my party, cocky and about to boast about hat I had just done, but we heard a terrible roar of anger come from the site where the dragon had crashed. I then did some quick thinking, and reflecting between the option of staying and maybe actually killing a dragon, or dying horribly as a dragon ate the entire party alive for what I had done, we all beat a hasty retreat towards the fort.