I thouht the first two were pretty good...

Lol "...Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup"

I lost it at "two hummingbirds who had also never met" hahaha

The Dr. Pepper one is true.

How to get the girls: " hey girl, your eyes are like two brown circles with black dots in the center."

i was drinking and laughed so hard that i spit water all over my laptop

Oh man this made my Sunday evening