To me there's still the sense of dread, and it seems to me that when i see a girl that i find cute and i could see myself with i end up liking them even more, but my brain is just constantly reminding me that they could be a 40 year old man.
I completely understand, my crush asked me out, I was overjoyed and I said yes if course. A couple months later I have to break up with him because I got anxiety attacks when I knew I had to see him, dates were something that I became terrified of, and just being with him made me ridiculously nervous and panicked.
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