I was molested at age 11 by my cousin when I was just sitting in my grandma’s spare bedroom watching cartoons. No idea what he was doing. Just wanted him to get off of me because he was crushing me. This isn’t me crying for attention. Just helps to get it off my chest anonymously, y’know?
I don't think sharing your genuine experience in a context like this should ever be misconstrued as crying for attention. I really hope being able to talk about it, even this little, helps some. I know at least in this community there are people who would be supportive if you need to talk more. Either way, I hope you're doing okay. And thank you for sharing what you've been through. It's important, and it takes so much courage.
And who knows, it may just help someone who hasn't found the courage to speak out yet
I only recently figured out what was truly going on. Wish I was still young and innocent again. Makes me feel like an idiot for not understanding and dirty now because I did nothing
You were in an environment that was supposed to be safe, doing an activity that was supposed to be normal/innocent (watching cartoons), with a person you were supposed to be able to trust, being exposed to things most 11 year olds wouldn't know a whole heck of a lot about-- if anything. And even if you DID know something about sex, no kid is taught to expect sexual acts from their family members (please no inbreeding jokes, people, this is meant to be serious). How is your brain supposed to reconcile any or even all of this information? Most ADULTS can't come to terms with what is happening to them, even though they often have the knowledge to comprehend it much better than an 11 year old would.
You are not an idiot. Nor were you then. And it will never be your fault. How much or how little you understood of it-- now or then-- doesn't change that. He's the one to blame, entirely.
You did nothing because you were a child. Because you didn't know what was going on. Because you were supposed to be safe. Because he was supposed to be trustworthy. Because you were trapped. Because he was stronger than you. Because you didn't know you were supposed to do anything more than that.
Some survivors "did nothing" because their brain goes into survival mode. Fight and flight seem to hazardous to it for whatever reason. And so they freeze.
Some are threatened or blackmailed.
All of these reasons are equally good. And all of them are equally irrelevant because, at the end of the day, what YOU did is nothing wrong. What you did isn't important. What you did did not give him any right to do a single thing he did, and hopefully someday he gets to spend a great deal of time with razor wire wrapped around his dick.
Even if he doesn't, though. You're the person that matters. I can't pretend I've ever gone through anything even close to what any survivors have.
But, from my perspective, it seems so very important to remember it's not your blame to carry as a burden.
You're worth more than any of the things he put you through. You're not "dirty," you're courageous as hell and stronger than a lot of us may ever be.
I'm not saying it's easy, and there will always be moments. But don't ever let yourself believe that what that bastard did to you made you anything less than anyone else. Anything less than clean, than smart, than strong. It's your goddamn dignity, and he has no right to it, and anytime you start thinking maybe he did, you grab hold of it and pull it right the fuck back with both hands, because NOTHING outside of your own actions can make you anything less than completely worthwhile.
@mozzarella I really feel your pain. I was assaulted I don't know how many times as a teenager, twice by a family friend. First time when I was 10; he was drunk at the time so I wrote it off as a drunken mistake. Second time I was about 14, and he definitely wasn't drunk. I still remember how badly I was shaking after I got away. I wanted to tell my family but then I thought how long he'd been friends with my dad, and I didn't want to ruin things. It ruined my trust, though. For the next few years I was scared all the time, got depressed, and still couldn't tell anyone because I worried they might blame me. I'm nearly 30 now, and even though I've gotten over most of it, I think I'm permanently scarred. But you have nothing to feel dirty about. I've understood for a while that it wasn't my fault. I'm just happy that he's no longer my dad's friend; they had a falling out over something else. So just keep going on; their actions don't define who we are.
Mozzerhella thank you. I had a similar experience through my childhood with my step brother. It was never rape.... but he got close, never penetrating just touching. I could never find the term. I was never raped and because of that it was never as serious as rape... I'm sorry I'm going on. Just thank you for giving me a term for the experience. I was sexually molested.
I legitimately didn't actually read what the girl said she was wearing (not really intentionally I just somehow skipped it I guess), and didn't even realize until I got to your comment and couldn't figure out where this random-ass statement about girls in overalls came from
I'm substantially less confused now
It's really sad to see that people still think that way. The way you dress has nothing to do with whether you were raped or not. Rapists are predators, they're fucked in the head, their utmost concern is not being caught. They're more likely to look for people who are alone, in a secluded place with no witnesses and who look weak and easy to overpower. Blaming rape on the victim's clothes is just pathetic. Reminds me of this video: https://youtu.be/51-hepLP8J4
It's like asking someone who got shot "well why the fuck weren't you wearing full body armor if you know there are people who have guns in your city."
Haven't they already found that most rapists can't even remember what the victim was wearing?
It's not about the clothes. If it were, nobody would ever go to the beach, because apparently skimpier clothes are so provocative rapists have no choice BUT to rape you, and you should really smarten up
Yeah exactly. Dress codes won't help, seeing 5 extra square inches of knee skin makes literally no difference. I think what you're referring to is the Washington post article from 2016, at least that's the first thing that popped up when I went to google the statistics about rapists not remembering the victim's clothes. According to the article, "deputy principal Cherith Telford at Henderson High School in New Zealand told female students that their uniform skirts must be knee-length in order to 'keep our girls safe, stop boys from getting ideas and create a good work environment for male staff,' "
Seriously, if your staff gets aroused by CHILDREN'S KNEES to the point of feeling uncomfortable because they can't control themselves, you shouldn't force your students to buy brand new clothing. You should hire better staff.
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· 5 years ago
Obviously the lady on top is an idiot and I'm not defending her point, but I think there's some truth to the idea that women sometimes put themselves in situations where it's like really? Rape didn't cross your mind even once?
Like, if you frequently go to bars and accept drinks from strangers, I don't think it's that weird that you got raped, yeah? Maybe don't do that, I dunno.
This is a very tricky thing. Because it's never anyone's fault if they get raped. It doesn't matter what you do, if you didn't consent, it's not you doing something wrong.
That doesn't mean that, in some situations (not all, you can't take steps to help protect yourself. Again, most rapists know their victims, so it's extremely important to keep that in mind, because in most scenarios-- especially like the ones talked about here-- there is nothing you can do. You cannot live your entire life in fear of everyone around you at all times.
It's also still never your fault if you get raped, in ANY situation. But when you talk about bar scenes, I do feel like, at least sometimes, there are small things you can do to TRY and help protect yourself. And, in that regard, it does have similarities to any other crime.
You're a fucking disgrace. Women don't "put themselfes" in anything. It's the rapists fault. ALWAYS. Even if the woman is dancing naked on a table it is NOT an excuse for a fucking rapist.
My dad, for example, always taught me to never leave my drink unattended. If I do, it's time to get a fresh drink.
Does this make it my fault if I DON'T do this, and someone drugs my drink? No. It's not even a little my fault. It's just a thing I have in my power to help TRY and safeguard myself. Like locking your doors when driving in a bad neighbourhood, or having motion sensor lights in your yard, or security cameras in your home, or carrying a gun. Should we have to feel like doing these things? Fuck no. And none of these things guarantees you'll be safe. The criminals/aggressors are always still to blame. But that doesn't mean it hurts to look out for yourself, ever, even if it doesn't work
FYI - I don't consider clothing to have anything to do with this. Women dressed in full Burkas get raped. People dressed in mustard stained sweatshirts get raped. I'm pretty sure a lot of strippers and beach-goers do not get raped. How you dress is irrelevant
As the other person said, though, women don't put themselves in these situations. No rape victim puts themself in the situation of being raped. If the rapist didn't put themselves in the mindset TO rape, there wouldn't even be a situation in the first place
Look, rape is horrible, and the victim is definitely not responsible for the actions of their abuser. No one is denying that. But as a woman you need to be on the defensive, and not put yourself in risky situations. I have taken multiple self defense classes, and it has always been ingrained in my head that I should never accept drinks from anyone but a bartender, and to always travel either with another friend, or be in contact with my family while I am out. Rape is never the victims fault, but it is their responsibility to be proactive and protect themselves.
*As a person, you need to be on the defensive. A lot of women assume just because someone has a dick, they automatically want sex, and should be happy to receive it.
I'm not trying to be "that person" by saying this, just had several discussions related to it lately and it seems important to keep in mind
I absolutely agree with you. Men can unfortunately be a victim of rape as well. However, guest was being a bit of dumpster fire, and the example at the time was on women specifically. I also didn't want what I had to say to be tossed aside because people just assumed I was male.
I kind of got the feeling you were trying to be genuine in your statement, but some parts may have just been a bit poorly worded, which is why I tried to give a full answer, in a hopefully reasonable manner.
Like I said, it's never a victim's fault, in most situations it will make no difference, but, as with any crime, I don't think taking some steps, when applicable, is completely without merit.
Though, again, often times this amounts to nothing. You can carry a gun for protection, but unless it's on obvious display, or extremely easy access (think: shoulder holster), the chances of it being an effective deterrent is decently slim.
That's just an example, mind you.
As for me saying men can be raped, it was actually originally a response to guest, not you, although I suppose you both did mention women specifically, so it could apply either way.
I didn't even think about what gender you were either if that's any consolation
Why yall gotta beef with each other man. Like i dont get why people gotta argue their politics man like just relax play some fortnite or some basketball always gets the mind clear
I know rapes a bad topic im just suggesting we stop talking about it on a meme page. Like im suggesting we just stop arguing about something that wont change from our arguing and stop wasting our time. Im not saying you have to just suggesting cause ive wasted more than my fair share of time debating over some retarded topic that just ends with insults which didnt take long this time.
Like on the real their are 16 comments talking about how bad rape is and how ignorant that comment was. Like no one is arguing that and we all know rape is bad. So im saying yall are wasting your time and especially if a troll comes on like i used to makes up some bull shiz like "actually rape is not that bad since morally people believe its right and our morals are socially constructed so how can we say that we have better morals" or some shiz like that. Then yall come like knights in shining armor to argue some useless point that in reality no one believes is wrong and just pointing out the obvious and i would just like you to save your time by not arguing some bull shiz that doesnt matter.
And who knows, it may just help someone who hasn't found the courage to speak out yet
You are not an idiot. Nor were you then. And it will never be your fault. How much or how little you understood of it-- now or then-- doesn't change that. He's the one to blame, entirely.
Some survivors "did nothing" because their brain goes into survival mode. Fight and flight seem to hazardous to it for whatever reason. And so they freeze.
Some are threatened or blackmailed.
All of these reasons are equally good. And all of them are equally irrelevant because, at the end of the day, what YOU did is nothing wrong. What you did isn't important. What you did did not give him any right to do a single thing he did, and hopefully someday he gets to spend a great deal of time with razor wire wrapped around his dick.
Even if he doesn't, though. You're the person that matters. I can't pretend I've ever gone through anything even close to what any survivors have.
You're worth more than any of the things he put you through. You're not "dirty," you're courageous as hell and stronger than a lot of us may ever be.
I'm not saying it's easy, and there will always be moments. But don't ever let yourself believe that what that bastard did to you made you anything less than anyone else. Anything less than clean, than smart, than strong. It's your goddamn dignity, and he has no right to it, and anytime you start thinking maybe he did, you grab hold of it and pull it right the fuck back with both hands, because NOTHING outside of your own actions can make you anything less than completely worthwhile.
I'm substantially less confused now
Its just like saying you not being in bad areas stops you from getting blasted.
It doesnt.
Haven't they already found that most rapists can't even remember what the victim was wearing?
It's not about the clothes. If it were, nobody would ever go to the beach, because apparently skimpier clothes are so provocative rapists have no choice BUT to rape you, and you should really smarten up
Seriously, if your staff gets aroused by CHILDREN'S KNEES to the point of feeling uncomfortable because they can't control themselves, you shouldn't force your students to buy brand new clothing. You should hire better staff.
Like, if you frequently go to bars and accept drinks from strangers, I don't think it's that weird that you got raped, yeah? Maybe don't do that, I dunno.
That doesn't mean that, in some situations (not all, you can't take steps to help protect yourself. Again, most rapists know their victims, so it's extremely important to keep that in mind, because in most scenarios-- especially like the ones talked about here-- there is nothing you can do. You cannot live your entire life in fear of everyone around you at all times.
It's also still never your fault if you get raped, in ANY situation. But when you talk about bar scenes, I do feel like, at least sometimes, there are small things you can do to TRY and help protect yourself. And, in that regard, it does have similarities to any other crime.
Does this make it my fault if I DON'T do this, and someone drugs my drink? No. It's not even a little my fault. It's just a thing I have in my power to help TRY and safeguard myself. Like locking your doors when driving in a bad neighbourhood, or having motion sensor lights in your yard, or security cameras in your home, or carrying a gun. Should we have to feel like doing these things? Fuck no. And none of these things guarantees you'll be safe. The criminals/aggressors are always still to blame. But that doesn't mean it hurts to look out for yourself, ever, even if it doesn't work
FYI - I don't consider clothing to have anything to do with this. Women dressed in full Burkas get raped. People dressed in mustard stained sweatshirts get raped. I'm pretty sure a lot of strippers and beach-goers do not get raped. How you dress is irrelevant
I'm not trying to be "that person" by saying this, just had several discussions related to it lately and it seems important to keep in mind
Like I said, it's never a victim's fault, in most situations it will make no difference, but, as with any crime, I don't think taking some steps, when applicable, is completely without merit.
Though, again, often times this amounts to nothing. You can carry a gun for protection, but unless it's on obvious display, or extremely easy access (think: shoulder holster), the chances of it being an effective deterrent is decently slim.
That's just an example, mind you.
As for me saying men can be raped, it was actually originally a response to guest, not you, although I suppose you both did mention women specifically, so it could apply either way.
I didn't even think about what gender you were either if that's any consolation