White roast

If you were any whiter you'd be see through. They make movies about ghosts who aren't as white as you.

I'm whiter than an albino white Republican Congressman eating white bread in a snow storm in Boston, Massachusetts.

That’s considered smooth?

You're so white you could be the beacon of Gondor calling for aid

You're better off not reading this comment, it's just a bunch of nonsense. Only adding it because this post caused this chain of thinking.
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I know it's 3 in the morning when my brain supplies thoughts like:
"There are lots of numbers higher than the number 9. And at the same time... no. No there isn't. 9 is the highest number." (Since technically once we reach 9, we've now run out of numbers and have to start re-using and adding new ones).