A Croatian language school advertisement

‘Learn English and you, too, can win the genetic lottery and be born good looking enough to model, maneuver your way to New York, get too old for the impossible-standard modeling business at 26, start looking for a wealthy husband because you have no practical skills other than your looks and passable English, marry a self-professed real estate magnate, give birth to a son who everyone accuses of being autistic which hurts you because people are attacking your not-even-teenaged child, stay with your husband through multiple public claims that he’s had affairs, get unexpectedly thrust into the limelight on a worldwide political stage, and have a media camera following your every word and move when all you wanted was to have a nice life as a woman of society in Manhattan.’ I mean, if that were your advertisement, staying monolingual would suddenly become much more appealing.