Indeed. It IS important that we are mindful of and address the pressures placed on women by society and media, but the stance that men do not face any pressure is ridiculous.
If you spend more than 5 minutes online you’ll see post after post from young men who have adopted a “gym life” as a coping mechanism or response to body pressures they feel or selection pressures, height is an obvious and common judgment made against men, and while I often speak against men using these things as justification for trashy attitudes and behaviors or the basis of a personality in a persecution complex- they are valid emotional stresses and traumas for many men.
Fat men ARE judged and often face social stigma as well as many other types of male bodies and figures.
It isn’t that men are not judged by body or especially face, dress etc. people are judged on appearances often. It is that when society judges men, appearance isn’t seen as our primary value. Simply put, things like wealth and status or image are the things that men get valued on most. Strength and authority and respect are one example, with various “gangsters” “toughs” and others being examples. Big cars and trucks, big imposing bodies, strong bone structures or big facial hair, a look of “danger” or “control” or physical power is often seen as attractive in itself. A man with relatively money but who is perceived as a “boss,” small time thugs and such for example, can often be not attractive or particularly rich but be seen as cool or attractive because of that projection of strength and authority. Wealth or ability to provide are often another factor of primary judgment and relate to images of power or authority.
Women generally and historically aren’t judged on those things. Very few men in relatively would weight a woman’s ability to provide or protect above other factors. Income is a larger concern in areas like expensive urban centers and “two income homes” in developed nations but is still secondary.
Education, ambition, athleticism, perceived fighting prowess, these things are subjectively considered when looking at women but aren’t generally primary social values because we still adhere to a very traditional view of women as caretakers and home makers and men as providers and protectors on a larger social level. A woman with a man who makes more and pays all the bills is generally considered the norm or lucky, a man who “rides” the success of a woman who makes more and pays all the bills is generally considered a leech.
But that tells you what you need to know. On an individual level it is about the decisions that men and women make when valuing each other. Men have largely been told to be self sufficient. In the eyes of society a “successful man” can provide for himself what he wants and needs and has taken a path to get what he desires from life, with his own hands.
A man who can achieve this has little or no need for a “partner” in these matters- leaving the things he cannot get without a woman, money not being one of them.
In less developed societies or times, there wasn’t the ability to use technology and commerce and mass population to provide any good and service you can afford and men and women required partnerships and extended families to survive and thrive. Moving into industrialization, women have historically been kept in socioeconomic positions where they required a man. Their economic well being or even their ability to move about and conduct their lives relied on men.
Men at those times did not particularly require women except for social reasons, for growing their family, and for personal needs that were illegal or not socially acceptable to hire out.
In the modern age women have achieved much more freedom and we have begun to impart ideas of self sufficiency and self realization on women. We’ve seen especially in the last generation a group of young women who are overall highly educated and successful in their own careers, who have ambition and drive and avenues to pursue it, and who have their own fully realized lives. It is closer to parity than equality, but women of the previous generation have largely embraced independence, expressing their sexuality and seeking to care for their needs and desires more freely and with less shame or reluctance for example. Being able to live full and fulfilling lives as single women and having the financial means to follow their passions and dreams.
Many women have reached not just a point where they don’t need men to survive but where they can thrive beyond the average of their male peers without men, and even to where often times their lives are BETTER without romantic committed relationships with men.
So now we enter a phase where there are lots of complaints and unhappiness despite all this freedom because many men don’t need women and many women don’t need men and without a need we are finding that many people have trouble connecting.
To be clear I am not saying that is bad inherently. Connections are increasingly a matter of compatibility and desire as opposed to a love that grows from necessity, but it does pose a challenge to many as without those traditional dynamics, we are seeing trends of people remaining single longer and relationships dissolving that once would have stood because even if there was unhappiness, the need would have forced them together. And again- that’s not bad that people can be more free
I’d say people being able to be selective and able to leave when they aren’t happy and people being together out of choice vs. Need is a good thing overall. But it is a change.
And with that change is another. Now that women more and more do not “need” men, the show is on the other foot. We have seen an increasing focus on male appearance. Appearance was always a factor in coupling, what they found “hot” in the 40’s,50’s, etc etc. modern “male vanity” really started to become an acceptable thing around the 1970’s and by the 1980’s it was a social norm.
But when women don’t need men for money or power or skills, they are freer to decide what they do want a man for.
On the whole, men were long in a position of advantage in relationships and selection and so selected females based often heavily on their appearance because there was little else needed. This especially became true as technology and society moved to a place where chores and such became relatively quick and simple.
If historically women served to provide and raise offspring, provide sexual or aesthetic desires, and conduct domestic tasks like cooking and cleaning… if you make $200k a year and have a robot vacuum and a house cleaner and do dry cleaning and eat instant meals or cook yourself (once “unmanly” and now very vogue for men..) or eat out… what on that list is left…?
Well, here we are with women as well now. If she makes $200k+ a year and has a robot vacuum and house cleaners and does dry cleaning and eats out… what does she need a man for? It might be nice to have a home cooked meal or to get a massage without having to go to the masseuse, to have some help here and there… but other than that the “need” is just to get the D and have certain “couples moments.”
Now- personality and conversation and such are important as are feelings like romance and validation. I left these out because they are relative and intangible and most you can get other places easily. Plus it warrants its own section which we not enter.
So one night stands and F buddies tend to be easy enough to come by for those needs. Friends and others can provide conversations and social interactions.
The only losing pieces are things like “feelings,” the way someone makes you feel when you are with them or the connections you feel when kissing or touching or other things. Concepts and ideas like building a shared life and things like that. Wants.
So we come to a place where men and women are at large, more than ever, able to select partners based on what they want Vs. Need.
We enter a society where many social stigmas and traditions concerning coupling and families still exist but are weaker than ever.
And in that environment, men and women are judged in many ways by many people.
So everyone is facing a struggle. Everyone is being judged even if not on the same things or to the same standards.
Women still do not have an equity to men and the “rules” and social attitudes and economic factors etc. are not the same for everyone of every gender and race and sexuality just yet.
So it would be foolish to say that women still don’t have it rough in society or that society is fair or equal. It would be foolish not to acknowledge and strive to correct the inadequacies and inequities of society.
But we do not need to belittle the struggles faced by others to lift anyone up.
Men and women both have their struggles in society and denying that isn’t a path to a world where we have equal footing.
If you spend more than 5 minutes online you’ll see post after post from young men who have adopted a “gym life” as a coping mechanism or response to body pressures they feel or selection pressures, height is an obvious and common judgment made against men, and while I often speak against men using these things as justification for trashy attitudes and behaviors or the basis of a personality in a persecution complex- they are valid emotional stresses and traumas for many men.
Fat men ARE judged and often face social stigma as well as many other types of male bodies and figures.
Education, ambition, athleticism, perceived fighting prowess, these things are subjectively considered when looking at women but aren’t generally primary social values because we still adhere to a very traditional view of women as caretakers and home makers and men as providers and protectors on a larger social level. A woman with a man who makes more and pays all the bills is generally considered the norm or lucky, a man who “rides” the success of a woman who makes more and pays all the bills is generally considered a leech.
A man who can achieve this has little or no need for a “partner” in these matters- leaving the things he cannot get without a woman, money not being one of them.
In less developed societies or times, there wasn’t the ability to use technology and commerce and mass population to provide any good and service you can afford and men and women required partnerships and extended families to survive and thrive. Moving into industrialization, women have historically been kept in socioeconomic positions where they required a man. Their economic well being or even their ability to move about and conduct their lives relied on men.
In the modern age women have achieved much more freedom and we have begun to impart ideas of self sufficiency and self realization on women. We’ve seen especially in the last generation a group of young women who are overall highly educated and successful in their own careers, who have ambition and drive and avenues to pursue it, and who have their own fully realized lives. It is closer to parity than equality, but women of the previous generation have largely embraced independence, expressing their sexuality and seeking to care for their needs and desires more freely and with less shame or reluctance for example. Being able to live full and fulfilling lives as single women and having the financial means to follow their passions and dreams.
So now we enter a phase where there are lots of complaints and unhappiness despite all this freedom because many men don’t need women and many women don’t need men and without a need we are finding that many people have trouble connecting.
To be clear I am not saying that is bad inherently. Connections are increasingly a matter of compatibility and desire as opposed to a love that grows from necessity, but it does pose a challenge to many as without those traditional dynamics, we are seeing trends of people remaining single longer and relationships dissolving that once would have stood because even if there was unhappiness, the need would have forced them together. And again- that’s not bad that people can be more free
And with that change is another. Now that women more and more do not “need” men, the show is on the other foot. We have seen an increasing focus on male appearance. Appearance was always a factor in coupling, what they found “hot” in the 40’s,50’s, etc etc. modern “male vanity” really started to become an acceptable thing around the 1970’s and by the 1980’s it was a social norm.
But when women don’t need men for money or power or skills, they are freer to decide what they do want a man for.
On the whole, men were long in a position of advantage in relationships and selection and so selected females based often heavily on their appearance because there was little else needed. This especially became true as technology and society moved to a place where chores and such became relatively quick and simple.
Well, here we are with women as well now. If she makes $200k+ a year and has a robot vacuum and house cleaners and does dry cleaning and eats out… what does she need a man for? It might be nice to have a home cooked meal or to get a massage without having to go to the masseuse, to have some help here and there… but other than that the “need” is just to get the D and have certain “couples moments.”
So one night stands and F buddies tend to be easy enough to come by for those needs. Friends and others can provide conversations and social interactions.
The only losing pieces are things like “feelings,” the way someone makes you feel when you are with them or the connections you feel when kissing or touching or other things. Concepts and ideas like building a shared life and things like that. Wants.
So we come to a place where men and women are at large, more than ever, able to select partners based on what they want Vs. Need.
We enter a society where many social stigmas and traditions concerning coupling and families still exist but are weaker than ever.
So everyone is facing a struggle. Everyone is being judged even if not on the same things or to the same standards.
Women still do not have an equity to men and the “rules” and social attitudes and economic factors etc. are not the same for everyone of every gender and race and sexuality just yet.
So it would be foolish to say that women still don’t have it rough in society or that society is fair or equal. It would be foolish not to acknowledge and strive to correct the inadequacies and inequities of society.
But we do not need to belittle the struggles faced by others to lift anyone up.
Men and women both have their struggles in society and denying that isn’t a path to a world where we have equal footing.