I think you need to move the link to a comment

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1--qN-O_DDXKO4VgchCQxOV0BbpHwTIiU9dUmsfyEfSc/edit?usp=sharing
Oops, I forgot to actually check it, sorry does this work?

I think it was funny, I like experimental one-shots like this, there an interesting exercise and original to read. But I don't know how to improve it because it seems you have reached the goal you set for yourself on this one :)
Maybe make a rough drafts of your characters and then go pick some ideas in movies or animes (Pupa and Midori come to mind but the genre is really vast), and I'd say read mystical lores from a lot of different cultures to get more substance and different atmospheres to choose from. As someone who writes, I'd say the most difficult part would be consistency in drawing so probably make character sheets before starting... (but not necessarily identity cards with mind descriptions because I know I like my characters to evolve however the fuck they want so I don't give them a rigid mental description). Also make sure you both want the same thing, discuss the project in its every aspect to avoid losing a friend in the battle.

I liked the sex scene the most. Very steamy.

Glad you liked the oneshot and yeah, I do agree, I need to do a lot more research, and I am making heavily detailed character sheets (it might be a bit too detailed). And yeah, me and my friend talk like a hella lot so I think well be fine. Thanks a lot for your input, I'll keep this stuff in mind.

Hey there! With the one-shot, I agreee with @purplepumpkin. But my advice for that would be to just go over grammar/punctuation, especially when there is dialogue. Each character should have their own paragraph for dialogue.
And as for advice for your mystery/horror: Read a lot of books with similar atmospheres! It really helps you learn how to build that mood, and you can even bank certain expressions that you liked.
And plan a lot, too. Have a clear idea of the storyline so that the story doesn’t lose plot. :) Good luck!

I like to call this type of joke: “the long road to nowhere.” Don’t take that as an insult. I’m very fond of this type of joke and have several in my lexicon. I would say as others have: go over syntax and the like. There are some repetitive instances, and some oddities in the grammar. One example is: “a man called joe....” Did they just start calling him that, or is it his name? I’m being silly in the asking of course just to highlight the fact it’s a tad clunky. Overall I like it. I’d tighten it up some personally. Not to say you should make any major changes, but I feel more anticipation and curiosity could be built in the reader. Also- late in the story you switch from 3rd person to first and change perspectives without setting up that the narrator is reading a journal or other account. Most people should be able to figure that out, but as a convention you might consider smoothing it out. Overall good work. Please don’t take this negatively. I enjoyed it but these are just areas...

.. that I feel could be tweaked since you asked for improvement. As an asides- just my opinion, I do wonder if your ex going to make it a mystery that everyone save a couple people have moved past caring about, some of that reader investment we discussed might be used to show the guy finding the answer going through a harrowing process to not only drag the thing out but to make it seem like there was more to it than just asking. Also- as for the redacting, it might help to either give a reason as to why the data might be redacted, or to go with some type of data error or transcription illegibility. Just throwing it in. Still a fun idea and a fun eye rolling read.

Ahh, I see, I was going to make some changes at first (like changing the fact that I wrote people were frustrated at first and later wrote it was a long running inside joke) and I was gonna add like maybe a copyright issue to make people think wtf but it was 2 am and I didn't want to download google docs. I think the main thing with this is the fact that I didn't know where I was going, it started as a joke, I wanted to make everything very repetitive but then I actually gave it a background and it became a little less repetitive so I scrapped that. I honestly hadn't thought of the redaction thing until I reached that line. I'll try to work out the whole plot before writing something serious (and actually edit it, of course).