I'm not but I'm glad to listen or talk if it helps?

Sigh, I just don't feel black.
I can't speak ebonics, I don't like rap and I definitely don't want to sag my pants or wear my hats backwards.
My trainer is telling me that I need to understand that black people just will never live a struggle free life, and I wish I could reject that. I know white people who have it bad but I'm always told blacks will always have it worse, no matter what.
What does it even mean to feel black? I don't like saying the N word, not even casually and hate hearing it. It's a refigured racist word, that still gives the original word power. I just don't understand what is the appeal with it.
But most of all, I hate being called white for speaking good English and carrying myself better than most black people. I just want to know what's wrong with me and how I can fix it without becoming another defeatist about being black.

Listen up and listen well. Fuck 'em.
You are a black man, you can't change that, and nobody can take that away from you. You don't feel like you act black? You don't want to talk black? Or think black? Too fucking bad. You are black. How you act is how a black man acts. How you talk is how a black man talks. How you think is how a black man thinks.
Wanna know why? It's because you are a black man.
There isn't a goddamned thing wrong with you. You are your own man. You do not need to heed any decree that says something you don't like. Doesn't matter who it came from. Your trainer? Fuck 'em. The president? Fuck 'em. God almighty comes down from the heavens just to tell you that you are not properly black? Fuck 'em.

Umm nothing is wrong with you? If your questions are serious: Being black or being white does not mean you aren't valuable or good at specific areas of life. You are on a journey to improve yourself, and that doesn't necessarily have to be in stereotypical areas. You need to find what you enjoy and think is right, and remember that that is OK, despite what other people might think or say. My cousins are black, and they are great people with successful lives, which doesn't include those stereotypes you mentioned.

Serosenpai I wish I had a good answer for you and that people didn't try to make you feel like something is wrong with you. I don't think it is always true for every single person of a certain race that they will have it better or worse than someone of another race. There are so many other factors, not least of all something like where you live. Do you feel like you could talk to any family or friends about this? Somebody that could offer a little more than your trainer's viewpoint?

Not black. White, and extremely pale. I can't really relate because I don't think anyone's ever told me I act anything other than white. The closest I can relate is my band "little brother," who was also "white," cause he played soccer (was damn good at it too apparently, think he still does it in college as a hobby, but I don't really keep up with him much), got good grades, talked clearly, and succeeded when the odds were against him. Because those are apparently "white," things to do idk. Now he's going to Baylor, and the people who called him white are going to a community college in the same town as our high school.
If those attributes are white, then some of the most influential black people in history would be called "white," by those standards today. If some morons can't handle black people not being a monolith that talks, walks, thinks, acts, and does all the same things, or your own success, then I echo famousone's sentiment. Fuck 'em. Regardless of their skin color.

Black guy here. I think you should be yourself. Truly successful people don't worry about fitting into weird boxes. I've heard those same comments my entire life. The more I move forward in life the less those people matter

All these things that you've based on being black are all stereotypes. Urban culture does not equal black culture. It is only a subset. "I hate being called white for speaking good English and carrying myself better than most black people", what black people have you been hanging out with, to say that you carry yourself better than most? People say you act white not just because you "speak good english", but probably because you have some conscious or subconscious biases of black people, very similar to the ones that white America has been programmed with. I have good friends that speak perfect English, don't swear, don'tuse the "n" word etc.that have never been accused of acting "white". Some of them also grew up in all black environments where the notion of being black was broad and not narrow. Perhaps you should travel, visit Lagos, Johannesburg, Rwanda, and see how other melanated people are living around the globe outside of the "American black" sterotypes.

Also your trainer is probably referring to black people as a whole suffering due to systematic oppression. There will always be white people who have it bad and black people who have it good, but it's the systematic bias that make it harder for people of color on a day to day basis. For example, the recent Starbucks situation, or black girls being suspended 5xs more than their white peers for the same offense, negative stereotypes shown in the media, biased policies etc. It goes on and on. I don't believe it's always going to be like this...but it's also not going to go away by acting like it does not exist.

Lastly, good luck. You are not alone. Many people of color are looking to find their identity. Figure out how or where they belong. I think that first thing is to know that being black has nothing to do with what you see on tv. It's about self-love, acceptance, spirituality, and your family. A white person isn't less white if he doesn't listen to country music, doesn't speak the best English or likes to wear kimonos. He is just a white dude that likes reggaetone, likes his southern colloquialisms and wears kimono.

Thanks everyone, I feel a lot better about myself.
I think I can start working on myself.

As a white guy who grew up with a segment of black friends (HS ball, but different classes/grade levels so didn't get to interact there) and another segment of friends (the asians... because... well... the asians)... I get feeling out of place. The white people around me tended to be the LAST people I bonded with.. no idea why. About when I turned 17 I just decided fuck what anyone else thinks about my friends or my life; those are my friends and it's my life. No matter what anyone tells you, do you; do what you feel is right for you. As @famousone said: fuck em.