I need advice
by meatball2012 · 15 comments 5 years ago
meatball2012 · 5 years ago
So recently I feel like everything in my life has just been crumbling. I'm a junior in high school so my grades this year have a huge impact on my future as I intend to go to a 4-year college for a psychology degree. The last few weeks have been rough. My dad who is 61 has been struggling with his health and is having a heart surgery next week. The risk is minimal but there is still a chance of death. I have 3 cats, one of them has just been diagnosed with cancer, another with glaucoma, and the other is so overweight that it's developed heart issues. My grades in school have been really rough, and I've always been a good student with a 3.6 GPA and 31 on my ACT but now I have all C's and D'a which looks terrible for college applications. I've been dating a girl for about a year and a few months. She struggles with diagnosed depression and anxiety, and undiagnosed insomnia. Before I met her she had a rough life, and it scarred her very badly so that she used weed and alcohol to numb.
meatball2012 · 5 years ago
I'm very against both of those and once we began to date she gave them up but because of that she became dependent on me rather than the drugs. It wasn't a problem until lately her depression is much worse and suicidal thoughts are more frequent than ever. She thought it would be best to take a break for a bit so she could gain some independence so I agreed. We also agreed not to see other people during this time and to just focus on ourselves. We still talk daily but just about a 30 minute check-in. I found out she's been going back to some drinking and vaping after having promised not to and she hid it from me for a while. Some more background, within the first 3 months of us dating she sent nudes to another boy for a game of truth or dare. I didn't find out until 2 months later. I forgave her. She hasn't cheated on me to my knowledge but I find i difficult to trust her because in recent months she has resorted back to smoking weed multiple times at a neighbor's house (who has asked
meatball2012 · 5 years ago
to have sex with her multiple times yet she continues to go back) and once again hides it from me. I think it might be time to call this break indefinite but I don't know what to do because everything else in my life is falling apart and she was the one stable thing.
deleted · 5 years ago
I'm having similar but different problems. Don't worry, if you're stubborn enough you can pull through alright.
222daisy · 5 years ago
Man I'm sorry you have all this going on... that's a lot. It does sound like it might be a healthy decision to not make this relationship your one stable thing. Could you pick something healthier to focus on? Your grades since you know that will further your long term goals? Exercise or meditation? A new hobby? Writing or playing music?
spirithawk · 5 years ago
I'm with daisy, try to find something else to focus on. I know that it's extremely difficult to separate from important relationships, but sometimes they become toxic and it's necessary.. I'm also a junior in high school, and my grades dipped horribly this year. My cumulative used to be a 3.7 but I'm barely scraping out straight Cs this year. Maybe try to find something to throw yourself into. Community service, or work, maybe homework or searching for some inspiration towards new dreams and ideas. That helps me a lot when my depression spikes. It gets very easy to feel like you're stuck in one place, and to get that kind of "all or nothing" mentality but please please don't think that way. You can do this, you can make it. I believe in you, and I'm sure most of the others here do too. Best wishes
trashmanrevenge · 5 years ago
eyy man you will be fine fam. Like ima senior who is gonna graduate in literally 2 weeks. I have a 2.6 gpa and a 22 act along with 3 failed terms so im not even getting a diploma from the school im getting a city diploma. Literally though my concealer said hey man no one cares about what degree you get as long as you get it and if you want you can go to a small college and just work your grades up and transfer to another school. Honestly your shiz looks good man just keep working on it. Honestly its hard for me to relate to the girl thing since i have gotten into no relationships cause i mean I just focused on playing baseball everyday and the one time I tried the girl had a boyfriend and i got curbed hella fast. Its ok though man best thing for that is to listen to those 2 up there and just find something you enjoy and work on it. I have embarrassed myself so many times but i feel confident literally because I know that when i get on a bball court ima ball the shiz outta some fool
trashmanrevenge · 5 years ago
Find something you enjoy and are proud of and just get good at it ive been blocked and thrown to the ground and called garbage so many times but dont let that stop you man just break through. Trust me you gotta just work man and the confidence will come along with it.
trashmanrevenge · 5 years ago
Confidence is the greatest thing to happen to me and honestly no matter what happens i feel happy af because of it. Best advice i can give you hope it helps.
parisqeen · 5 years ago
I totally agree with @spirithawk, this relationship sounds toxic so as hard as it is I would end it. Her issues are something that needed to be sorted from her end not yours, you can still be a support but if it's dragging you down and making you depressed then I wouldn't continue . This year is going to be tough and you know that so I think it's best if you start by writing out a plan, write down a routine and stick to it. It's easier to relax if you have consistency, especially when you're busy and stressed. It's okay if you don't follow the routine exactly, it's more like a guide and this'll help you feel like there's more structure and help you get back on top of your work. Second: Utilise EVERY SINGLE helpful tip they give you in school, go to teachers after class and ask them as many questions as you need to, they are there to help. Go to friends and ask if they can clarify stuff you don't understand, get a tutor, go on youtube for online tutors.
parisqeen · 5 years ago
Even with lots of work it helps when you understand the criteria. Why are you getting C’s and D’s? Go back to your teachers and ask this. Ask where you went wrong and how to fix it, hand in multiple drafts. Use every minute they give you to improve and this’ll help dull the stress. Third: talk. Talk to friends, talk to family and talk to us (thank you for sharing your troubles btw) they’re all here to help you. I’m so sorry about your Dad and your cat, it’s difficult to focus on anything when you have worry like that. Right now the best thing to do is keep your focus on school though so your Dad is proud of what you accomplish. Be there for him when you can. Do what you can for your cats but remember your health (mental and otherwise) are the most important. Balance is important. We’re all here for you and with hard work, persistence and some tears you will get through it.
guest_ · 5 years ago
What You’re going through is rough. It would be hard for someone of any age, and even harder when you’re young. Here’s my advice for you. First off- Things are rough right now- but as you said it’s your future that matters. You have a much longer future than a right now at this point. You took a break so she wouldn’t be too dependent on you. Don’t be too dependent on her. You need support right now. To support you she needs to be able to support herself and she can’t. She needs attention and energy. She brings problems and negative things to a moment in your life full of challenges and temptation to negative things. She can’t help you right now and you can’t help her if you are helping yourself. That doesn’t mean break up- but do keep your distance and surround yourself with positive people who will give you energy and motivation and not take it. People to support you right now. As for your grades- the future changes. What we want changes. If you want it bad enough you can have it...
guest_ · 5 years ago
... you may just need to find another way, or work harder. But life is long and strange. Don’t get too caught up in what’s going on right now. You ant control everything- or much of anything really. The best you can do is make the best decisions you know how to and try to plan it so that when life goes south we land as best we can. So maybe things get better now- or maybe it takes some time. Hang in and keep working towards better. Bad things happen or they don’t. After that’s passed where are you at? That’s what matters. Make sure when the shit storm settles you’ve done what needed done to be able to move on and keep living the best life you can. Or in plain terms- you got 99 problems- a botch doesn’t need to be one.
meatball2012 · 5 years ago
Thanks everyone for your advice. It's nice to have people who care even if it's on the internet. Not sure what I'll do yet but you guys are great, thank you.
222daisy · 5 years ago
Meatball let us know how it's going - we want to be there for you!