I see what you are saying, but in the end it always comes down to the choice of the individual (unless the are forced), so this post to me speaks of educating and communicating rather than relying on intimidation and denial that anything could happen. Teen pregnancy is a reality, especially where abstinence only sex education is taught- having a daughter (and son!) who is fully educated about their choices and the consequences of them is a good way to go. Because no matter what, in the end the choice is up to them.
That's a good philosophy, but what about when they're out of the house, and you can't watch them 100% of the time? Unless you plan on keeping her/him at home, period, until they are 18- some education and communication might be helpful.
I guess teenage sex is much more casual here in Norway between kids and their parent. I was 16 when i started going out with my boyfriend (17 now) and my mom just sat down with me and said that I was the one that decided what was going to happen and if something were to happen, protection is necessary. You are the legal age to have sex when you're 16 here. Is it 18 in the USA? Just for the record, I waited until I was 17 and we had been together for over half a year, going out even longer than that. I think that's important :)
I think it is fantastic the way you and your mother talked, and congratulations on your relationship! Guest is right, the laws are different from state to state here in America, but to be considered an adult it ranges from 15-16 years old.
We have what are called age of consent laws here in the United States and it's not that teenage sex isn't more casual, because let me tell you most of my friends have already had sex, but we just happen to hear a lot about teenage pregnancy. The interesting thing is apparently according to studies "actual sex activity" is going down and much more teenagers just opt for oral sex rather than sexual intercourse.
Can I just ask you Americans something? Are birth control-pills expensive or hard to find? And what about condoms, can you get them for free? Haha, I love that i can learn new things on funsubstance. Anyways, here, all you need to do to get birth control pills is to go to either your doctor or the nurse at your school and take some tests and talk about it. Then you just buy them for almost no money at all. Some are even free. Everyone between the age 16 to 21 get birth control at a huge discount. Condoms are also given for free at the nurses office at school. It's quite easy to get it, so there's no exscuses not to use them. So I'm just wondering what that is like in the states :)
Birth control accessibility depends on what state you live in and what insurance coverage you have- it's still an issue in the USA about whether insurance should cover it, and who should have access to it. There are clinics (like Planned Parenthood) which offer low cost birth control- but some states restrictions have cut their funding so much that people have no access to them. We have a long way to go here, dogma, religion, and old ways of thinking still impact our policies- we're working on it :-)
Some of us are just stuck on this old-fashioned idea that sex is a special thing that promiscuous teens shouldn't be messing around with, and that people aren't slaves to their hormones. Giving out birth control is basically just giving out permission to have sex, and we say no to that.
You have a right to impose whatever belief system on your children that you see fit- if you are 100% certain that you can pass along your values of abstinence and purity, then teach your son or daughter that. But when it comes to wider policy, birth control is a doctor prescribed medication that should not be denied to others because of anyone's personal beliefs or ideals.
Even if it's my kid? It doesn't work that way. Parents parent their children. That's their job. Society does not, because society is corrupt. If society is teaching kids the opposite of what their parents are, something is very wrong.
I believe I wrote you have a right to impose whatever belief system on your children that you see fit- and yes, that is what I wrote. If you chose not to tell your son or daughter about birth control or safe sex until they are 18, that is your prerogative.
But if your child gets pregnant or gets someone else pregnant after the age of consent, they are responsible for the choice and/or consequences of that- as in the daughter can choose to terminate or parent independently, and/or the son is responsible for custodial obligations. They also can be consequences for having unprotected sex and spreading STDS.
All of this leads to the fact that I have the right as well to protect my child with information and education against these happenings, these real consequences. Parental rights work both ways.
But the question was about the accessibility of birth control. There's obviously no way a kid is going to go through his/her teens knowing nothing about "safe sex," or birth control. But if society is handing out condoms to teenagers, they're directly counteracting the parent's wishes.
I have a friend in England who told me about the sex ed classes he went to, and how they included actually teaching girls how to put condoms on, hands on and everything. That's pretty sick in more ways than one.
If you are instilling your values of abstinence on your children, why would they go looking for condoms? Only teenagers who would be planning on having sex would be looking for those- so I am not seeing an issue. Sex education teaches the consequences of having sex, and how you can be safer when you decide you are ready. If you have taught you child that they are ready when they fall in love or get married or whenever, they will not seek out birth control. I don't see an issue unless you think teens are going to have sex regardless of what their parents teach them.....
We did that in school too, when we were 15-16. The nurse at our school talked to all the girls in 10th grade. She talked about different types of birth control and showed how to put on a condom. She used a dildo, and those who wanted to try could. She gave out condoms and talked about the importance of safe sex. She also had a long powerpoint presentation regarding saying no if you don't want to have sex and the importance of being sure about yourself in addition to myths about sex and what to expect/not expect for the first time. I think it's great! Teens know about sex, and want to have sex. If they/we don't learn about the importance of birth control and protecting yourself from STDs, there's a bigger chance of teenage pregnacies. If they are well aware of the risks, they are more likely to take precautions. Sure, everyone has heard about "safe sex", but if it's not talked alot about, it won't be enforced. Not talking about sex won't stop teenagers from having sex.
And supernovamike, why is that sick? Its better to know how to put it on, so that when you are in a situation where you need to put on a condom, you will know how. Its easy to think "oh, I cant get it on, we'll just drop it then" and have unprotected sex.
Saviourself you seem to have a very idealized concept of parent-child relationships, as if children always give 100% heed to everything their parents say. Remember we're talking about teenagers here. Social psychologists have said that on average children get only about 50% of their culture from their family. The other half comes from peers. Add natural teenage rebelliousness and over-active hormones and a general lack of wisdom and self-control on top of that, and you do the math.
And if we want to make it even worse, people naturally are attracted towards "living on the edge" and "how much can I get away with?" If a teen's parents are telling him/her one thing and society is saying exactly the opposite, you can bet that he/she is going to favor the option that is a) easier and b) makes him/her feel more "free".
Teaching a kid how to put a condom on is teaching them that it's normal and okay for kids to be putting condoms on. That's the problem.
What you have been saying up to this point is that "parents parent their children." I agree with you- peers have been shown to have the second most impact on how a young adult behaves after their home environment- but it's the parents who decide who their children get to spend time with extracurricularly, parents shape those groups.
I don't agree with what you are saying about teenagers, and either does any fact based research I have ever come across. I recommend this site for a clearer reality on that: http://www.cdc.gov/Features/TeenPregnancy/
We always teach our children how to protect themselves- whether the situations arise that they will need it or not. To deny knowledge that protects them against STDS or unplanned pregnancy on some idealistic hope that they won't need it is as ridiculous as denying knowledge of seatbelts or life jackets. Suppression of knowledge has never been effective.
And Norwegian, I appreciate your points- I think a good take away is to look and see that basically rates of teenage sexual activity are the same everywhere, but what does fluctuate is the rates of STDS and unplanned pregnancies. Where comprehensive sex ed is taught in the USA, rates are significantly lower- and that should tell us all something.
I think you are partly right when you are saying that teens are rebellious, and will therefore do the opposite of what their parents say. If the parents say "dont have sex, sex is a sin" and "forbids" it, of course teens will want to have sex even more! But if their parents are open about sex as a natural and instinctive lust, and talk about safe sex, teens won't be as rebellious. If they are educated on safe sex, they know that that is so important to enforce. Speaking as a sexual active teen, with friends my age, I would say you are wrong. However, it is sooo different in the states. Everything is more casual here in Norway. Letting girls sleep over at their boyfriend's house is no big deal. Going to parties at 16/17 is so common and accepted by many parents (you only have to be 18 to drink alcohol) as long as they know where you are in case something happens. And still, there are a smaller prosentage of teenage pregnancies in Norway.
You're not disagreeing with me, saviourself, you're disagreeing with psychologists. If you want to fight that battle, go ahead. I'm just telling you what they have said. My two cents are that the trend is almost certainly getting worse. Parents don't get respected in pop culture anymore. Turn on Disney channel and you'll see what I mean. Norwegian confirmed that -- kids already want to do the exact opposite of what their parents say. The last thing we need is for society to further encourage that rebellion.
But your comparison of sex ed to seatbelts is silly. we all need seatbelts because accidents happen. Having sex is no accident. It's the result of a series of poor, irresponsible choices. And I know from personal experience that those mistakes can be avoided. I went to a large high school in an area where abstinence was the primary fours of sexual education, and I could probably count the number of pregnant girls in the school on one hand.
why do you think we don't teach lads how to light cigarettes or open beer bottles? I mean, by your logic, we should, shouldn't we? we wouldn't want to "suppress knowledge" after all. My point still stands: when you teach someone how to do something, You are telling them that it is something they can and should be doing, And you're adding incentive to actually do it.
The science I am quoted and linked to is from years of data collected by the government in partnership with the American Psychiatric Association, The Center For Disease Control, and The Guttmacher Institute. If you click the link I posted, you can see that.
My school was a public one with comprehensive sex education, and my senior class had no pregnancies during it- either did the class below us. But my personal experience is not enough proof, you can look up the statistics and see that places with comprehensive sex education have statistical lower amounts of both unwanted pregnancy and the spread of STDS. That's incentive, keeping kids safe.
Just to make sure we're clear, the psychology you referenced and the psychology I referenced don't disagree with each other -- they're talking about completely different subjects. Nor am I disagreeing with what you cited. I simply believe that there is a heck of a lot more at stake here than just pregnancy and STDs. That's where the science falls short. Statistics can only measure physical, external things. But life isn't all about physical, external things.
What I advocate is raising a generation that knows how to love and respect others; that has self-control and lives for others rather than just themselves, and believes in the morality and family values that our world needs if it's going to survive. Obviously avoiding teen pregnancy is extremely important, but if that's all we're worried about, we've got a short-sightedness problem.
A pregnant teen isn't the worst thing in the world. Far worse is the man that grows up a slave to passion who views women as sexual objects and whose primary concern is his own interests. Because I promise you that if we continue to allow our culture to encourage our children to have sex, that's what we'll get. Plenty of men and women who lack the moral structure to make the world a better place.
Supernovamike.. Saying that learning teens to light a sigarette is the same as learning them how to put on a condom is one of the most absurd things I've ever heard. Smoking is a bad thing and can kill you as well as harm your health and the health of the people around you. Sex is not bad. Sex is good(if you know what I mean.. ;-) ), it's natural and it is good for you and your health. Sex is not a problem in society. Learning how to put on a condom teaches teens to take responsibility. It teaches them to deal with the downsides of a good thing (sex) in a responsible and adult way. It’s like learning about nutrition. Yes, chocolate is so so good and delicious, and it is okay to eat. But the downside is that it’s unhealthy. Therefore, children and teens learn that you should eat less of it. You see what I mean? I hope it makes sense :) Bottom line is that sex is not a bad thing, but there are possible bad things that come along with it. But that is solved with birth control and condoms
But if your child gets pregnant or gets someone else pregnant after the age of consent, they are responsible for the choice and/or consequences of that- as in the daughter can choose to terminate or parent independently, and/or the son is responsible for custodial obligations. They also can be consequences for having unprotected sex and spreading STDS.
All of this leads to the fact that I have the right as well to protect my child with information and education against these happenings, these real consequences. Parental rights work both ways.
I have a friend in England who told me about the sex ed classes he went to, and how they included actually teaching girls how to put condoms on, hands on and everything. That's pretty sick in more ways than one.
And if we want to make it even worse, people naturally are attracted towards "living on the edge" and "how much can I get away with?" If a teen's parents are telling him/her one thing and society is saying exactly the opposite, you can bet that he/she is going to favor the option that is a) easier and b) makes him/her feel more "free".
Teaching a kid how to put a condom on is teaching them that it's normal and okay for kids to be putting condoms on. That's the problem.
I don't agree with what you are saying about teenagers, and either does any fact based research I have ever come across. I recommend this site for a clearer reality on that: http://www.cdc.gov/Features/TeenPregnancy/
We always teach our children how to protect themselves- whether the situations arise that they will need it or not. To deny knowledge that protects them against STDS or unplanned pregnancy on some idealistic hope that they won't need it is as ridiculous as denying knowledge of seatbelts or life jackets. Suppression of knowledge has never been effective.
But your comparison of sex ed to seatbelts is silly. we all need seatbelts because accidents happen. Having sex is no accident. It's the result of a series of poor, irresponsible choices. And I know from personal experience that those mistakes can be avoided. I went to a large high school in an area where abstinence was the primary fours of sexual education, and I could probably count the number of pregnant girls in the school on one hand.
My school was a public one with comprehensive sex education, and my senior class had no pregnancies during it- either did the class below us. But my personal experience is not enough proof, you can look up the statistics and see that places with comprehensive sex education have statistical lower amounts of both unwanted pregnancy and the spread of STDS. That's incentive, keeping kids safe.
What I advocate is raising a generation that knows how to love and respect others; that has self-control and lives for others rather than just themselves, and believes in the morality and family values that our world needs if it's going to survive. Obviously avoiding teen pregnancy is extremely important, but if that's all we're worried about, we've got a short-sightedness problem.