Needles to say it hurt quite a bit. Pun intended

That was one hella sharp pun you have there in the title. :P

I used to bike around my grandma's garden, she lived in California and had a cactus garden. I fell often.

That happened to me yesterday, but instead of a cactus I got hummus all over my sock

I caught a knife while I was cooking.
Thankfully, by the handle.

Didn't quite get it at first because I was thinking of the Brooklyn slang meaning for cactus.

Drop kick a slate tile once, if you're lucky it'll break your foot and not shatter. Mine shattered, made stepping on a lego feel like a feather!