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lihea
· 4 years ago
· FIRST
What about the 4th type who were so convinced they had the answer and tried to help you, but their help only made things So. Much. Worse
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guest_
· 4 years ago
Perhaps it’s not good to forget most things- but it’s always good to keep perspective. Many a teacher, mentor, or those acting as such have put me in or left me in one sense or another, difficult times. We generally don’t grow without facing difficult times, and the truth is that we won’t always have someone to rely on when things are rough- and often times to truly get the “aha! Moment” we MUST face difficulty alone. In part this is how we can truly determine how to tell which things in life we can face alone and which we NEED help for and not that which having help simply makes easier to bear. I have many friends who as the old saying goes: “I trust them with my life but not my money or my wife...” and vice versa- friends who will “be there” but cannot he relied upon beyond the superficial.
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guest_
· 4 years ago
Knowing who you can turn to for what is important, but even having someone willing to stand by you doesn’t mean they are capable of offering any meaningful aid- so while that’s a fuzzy feeling that they’d be there- it doesn’t really make a difference to the situation if they are unable to provide emotional or practical support in a way that eases your burden.
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guest_
· 4 years ago
And that’s where we come full circle to knowing what you can handle. Because sure as it’s good to know who will be there for us- it’s also good to know who will call us and for what. The friend who can do nothing in that situation, who can’t even adequately console or physiologically support- has no reason to be there and likely other things to do. It’s a bit of a “me” centric world view to frame things with yourself as the most important factor- how others support your feelings without considered their lives. On that subject- sometimes a person just can’t- because of their own baggage or responsibilities- bear your burdens in any part. It’s not for a lack of desire to- they just know themselves. Can we say the friend who wants to be there but cannot is any “worse” than the friend who is there but is useless? Both have the intentions of love for you- but neither ones intentions change anything.
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guest_
· 4 years ago
In relationships of most any sort outside perhaps professional or those of convenience- it’s not good to “keep score.” Having a realistic picture of the human beings you associate with and not reducing them to caricature or placing them on pedestals as stand ins for the emotional or practical needs you use them to fill is not only healthy and beneficial- but respectful of them as an actual person. As another old saying goes “you don’t have to win every battle- just the ones that count.” A general who rests every battle as if it’s the most important is one who is likely to quickly lose a war. So they might not be there for you always- but if they are there when you REALLY need them and have no way out- that’s pretty solid.
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