Oh wow i should link this to the post from a couple days back about everyone that got beat up as kids who are looking forward to beating up their own children because they are glad they were disciplined that way, but why bother
I want kids to be disciplined and punished BC I've witnessed too many kids who weren't and they turned out to be spoiled brats thinking the world owne them shit.
There are ways to discipline children without physical violence.
It’s about what they can do rather than what they can’t. It’s about teaching the importance of certain things and shunning others.
I won't call a spank in the butt "pain"
It doesn't hurt tbh, it only shows there will be instant consequence.
Lots kids are just stubborn and refuse to learn through anything else.
Incorrect. Lots of authority figures are lazy and won’t learn how to truly commit to teaching discipline without violence. “A smack on the butt” isn’t really what the discussion is about, however. That’s not spanking.
There’s actually some good, peer reviewed study out there about the inefficiency of spanking as a discipline method. I think many people can agree that beating the kids is abusive. But a lot people think spanking works and kids need it, but the studies don’t show that to be true. It seems to lead to behavioral/emotional issues later in life.
I think each parent/family is different so I try not to judge when I see parents who spank, but there are plenty of well discipled children out there who behave without the threat of violence.
An aquantiance of mine with a toddler truly believes that the only way to effectively discipline a child is through physical punishment because that's what her dad did. If her kid (who is the best, most good natured child I've ever seen) doesn't do something on the first try, her mother believes that a quick smack on the face will teach her. The only thing stopping her is her sister, who does not let that kid be hit.
I like to think of small children as dogs.
And dogs do not learn by punishment. They learn by positive reinforcement. Don't want your dog to pee inside? Don't hit the dog everytime they pee. They, like children, won't get it.
Instead, you teach the dog to pee outside.
You don't teach a dog to sit by hitting it every time it stands
there's a difference between being abused and being disciplined. if you don't see a difference you were probably abused. when i was like 6 i got a spanking because my father caught me riding my big wheel down a 4 lane highway rt 130 that wasn't abuse that was me scaring the shit out of my parents and my parents trying to keep a kid from getting splattered in to road pizza not abuse. last time i got smacked i was like 14 shoplifting again not abuse a wake up call not to be a scum bag. do i thank my father, I've never served time in jail and can hold my head up with pride being the man i became, yes i certainly thank my father.
Exactly. If you don't understand the difference between discipline and spanking, you were abused. It's so heartbreaking to see children grow up to defend their abuse.
These conversations are exhausting because people truly believe this is a debatable discussion. As a person with behavioral health bachelors and masters degrees, a behavioral health license to practice, focused studies in early child development, experience as a children’s behavior coach, and an actual mother, I can assure you, physical “discipline” is not only NOT the best form of discipline, it has been proven to be damaging across the board (yes, even for children who “don’t listen”). That doesn’t mean that your parents were bad parents, nor that you are messed up because of it, it just means that we can do and be better. It’s not a personal attack, it’s facts based in scientific research. For example, discipline problems can develop in utero with various substance exposures causing the hypocampus to be thinned. Behavior problems can be caused by various maladaptions in the brain during development. Researchers and Professionals study this stuff. It’s not a debate.
THANK YOU. I hope the caps don’t seem aggressive but thank you. It breaks my heart to see people debating this saying I’m so glad my parents disciplined me because if not I’d be out there murdering people or something. I don’t think people realize that when you start normalizing “discipline” there isn’t gonna be a bloody rule book for parents that says hit your child a certain way make sure it’s safe. I also don’t think these people realize that different humans are different. Something they call a light beating could be something that another child suffers ptsd forever for. They also make it seem like it’s okay because beating is the ONLY way to really drive a point across. Beating kids is so normal in my society when I was growing up because of people like that. That “I am a better person cause my parents beat me” is the exact mentality they had too. A toddler died in my country cause of it. I can’t imagine how much good had come from it against the bad
That’s exactly what I was trying to say earlier. There is actual legit study that shows that spanking (not beating the crap out of kids, just a pop on the bottom spanking) is not good for children. My kid is the most obstinate stubborn creature born and there is no doubt in my mind that spanking him or all out beating him would not change his behavior in the slightest.
sorry but i have to disagree. i see how kids were disciplined and how they grew up and i see how there not disciplined and how it is today and it was better before. disciplined not abused. second a lot of times mental abuse can do way more damage than physical abuse even if the parent is heavy handed where do you draw that line between disciplining and mentally abusing a kid. a smack on the ass is way better than shaming which seems to be popular today. third if you get a kid that you can't control the damage he can do to him self is way worse than a smack on the ass to straighten him out as in to little discipline can lead to drugs, crime, gang involvement, or all kinds of other shit. i'm not saying go right to spanking. some kids talking to works some need to be grounded to under stand whats not acceptable behavior and others need a smack on the ass as a wake up call.
Again, not a debate. Seems like you think discipline and spanking are synonymous. You are absolutely correct, psychological abuse can be worse than physical. Which is why it is not part of most of the wide varieties of disciplinary techniques developed by professionals after extensive research and education in the field. Shaming is employed by a lot of people, and you are correct, it has a negative impact. There are many disciplinary techniques that are not damaging. Many. Developed by professionals who study child growth and social/emotional development.
@rachee you talk about shame being a poor tool for discipline but shame is one of the reasons spanking is not a good tool for discipline. Studies show that spanking does cause shame (one of the reasons that it is not a recommended method of discipline) So, I guess you made your own point.
to much to get in to on line all i can say is these snake oil sales men had study's to prove many treatments lobotomy's, shock treatment, blood letting, Isolation, i wont even get in to the treatments for hysteria and on and on, till 1982 they were still doing Metrazol Therapy with meds that caused patients to break there own bones. the only thing they've proven is mental health professionals were just as arrogant then as they are now and just as unwilling to admit they were wrong. if you tell them they are wrong they will tell you how much schooling they have had, but memorizing wrong information doesn't make it right. you literally have people saying that they were spanked and turned out better for it and the mental health people say no no your wrong i had a hypothesis and proved it with study's. but study's are always manipulated on purpose or by accident and mental health study have to many variables to be nearly as acute as they make it out to be.
as for disciplining kids the less discipline we have done the worse the world has gotten. the kids have been coddled so bad half of them are running wild while the other half need a safe space because words hurt there feeling. but instead of saying we made a mistake some times a kid needs a smack in the ass there just going to keep doubling down no matter how many of us say we got spanked and are better for it. either way its to had to have a real discussion on line about a topic this big and i've wasted enough time on it so i'm going to leave it off here.
Right. That’s the point of the original post. ‘That’s what my parent did, and that’s what my kids need.’ Thing is, there are plenty of kids out there that are well behaved without being hit. And finding other methods of discipline doesn’t mean they are coddled. It means they weren’t taught that you can solve problems by hitting. I taught my kid not to hit; and part of that was by not hitting him.
It’s about what they can do rather than what they can’t. It’s about teaching the importance of certain things and shunning others.
It doesn't hurt tbh, it only shows there will be instant consequence.
Lots kids are just stubborn and refuse to learn through anything else.
I think each parent/family is different so I try not to judge when I see parents who spank, but there are plenty of well discipled children out there who behave without the threat of violence.
And dogs do not learn by punishment. They learn by positive reinforcement. Don't want your dog to pee inside? Don't hit the dog everytime they pee. They, like children, won't get it.
Instead, you teach the dog to pee outside.
You don't teach a dog to sit by hitting it every time it stands