At the end of Jan, I made my other mother (I respect and love her very much) a pinky promise that I wouldn't off myself this year - just to get past the week, and when I came back to campus I went to see a psychologist, and also spoke to my psychiatrist and he put me on anti-depressants, and after a while upped my dosage when it wasn't really working. Furthermore, I also have an amazing partner (caring, kind, soft, smart, you name it) who has supported me a lot during this time and still continues doing so. I've also broken contact with my parents a bit, and I haven't seen them since about three weeks before the outbreak started. I've also started a new degree which I enjoy immensely, and managed to not get fired (or asked to resign, as my boss put it) where I completed the work needed with the help of my partner over several evenings and weekends.
So it was a combination of factors, and sometimes I still slip back, but not as bad as it used to be at the start of the year. Probably since August/October I've been having really bad suicidal thoughts multiple times per day again, and now it's gone down to probably once every two weeks, three weeks?
I also have my fellow funsubbers here who are massively kind and supportive, and that also really really helped.
I also have my fellow funsubbers here who are massively kind and supportive, and that also really really helped.