Lol. So, I’m not going to say I condone those types of horn dog comments or the behavior- but I will say one thing- I do at least have to have a certain respect for people who are have that sort of honesty- what I mean is that a lot of people use the anonymity the internet affords to do and say things that they wouldn’t dare to if they knew people could easily identify the source. Reddit, places like 4chan etc- they’re full of posts and comments that a good deal of users would NEVER make if they had to be linked to their real world identity. That can be a good thing- people seeking help etc. but who would be too embarrassed to make their personal issues known- but a lot of it is people who says things that they KNOW they’d face consequences for like social or financial rejection etc. if people in regular life saw.
So I do have some respect on some levels (with some caveats) for people who take ownership and are their “genuine selves.” An old friend of a friend is not what we will call “a modern enlightened man” about women. He says and does some things many women wouldn’t appreciate- some in jest, some he’s just being honest. He likes the female form and he makes it known to his partners. He has been with the same woman for maybe 25 or so years now. Sometimes he annoys her and sometimes they have little “flirty fights” and sometimes his behavior leads to deeper upset. That said- he is honest about who he is and how he feels with her. He doesn’t pretend to be some sort of “enlightened ideal man.” He’s not going to suddenly change at his age and stop thinking strip clubs are awesome. He never hid it and she fell in love and stayed with that particular guy.
So I mean- there are shades of nuance- someone who is actually selling sexuality or physical appearance in that sense- if people didn’t think they were attractive they probably wouldn’t have a living. There are nuances to who is or isn’t trading in sexuality- the Sears catalog model or a pageant queen vs. maybe a stripper or some IG models maybe as example- and there are still lines of appropriateness- I mean- telling a stripper you think she’s attractive doesn’t need to be insulting or lewd, creepy or violating, and just because someone is showing off their body for gain doesn’t mean they are property or don’t have dignity or deserve to be treated civilly and respectfully. So I’m not gonna say that posting descriptive or lewd comments about peoples appearances is generally appropriate wether they post bikini pics or do sex can shows. You should show some respect and manners-
Within the confines of what is appropriate as largely defined by the recipient of such comments and their perceptions or relationship to the poster, I will say that I do have a certain respect for honesty online. There is, outside of those things where you may be in danger (seeking abortion, help for abuse, people of different sexuality or gender in various places etc…) or maybe personal embarrassment (asking about treatment for a fungal infection, advice for bad odors etc…) there is a certain validity to the view that if you’d be ashamed or reluctant to have a thought be known as your own, it probably is either a thought you should work on not having or something that shouldn’t be shared. Of course some people will point to unpopular political or social views and say that avoiding “unjust” persecution is a valid reason. I won’t say that it never is- though often that excuse is used by people who face just persecution. What I will say is…
If you have conviction in your beliefs and truly think they are right you generally own them. Recent news has focused heavily on women facing prison and legal troubles for bearing their hair. These women believe that they should have the right, and they believe it so strongly that they are willing to face potential consequences, just or otherwise. Martin Luther King Jr. and many in the civil rights movement truly believed in human rights, and they fought for them openly except when- or sometimes even when- there were legitimate safety concerns. For those who lean right- Donald Trump campaigned on a platform that could potentially, or has ruined the careers and fortunes of richer and even more powerful people. If you have any convictions- you stand by your words, you don’t hide. Wether people agree or not.
When you have something that you feel actually needs to be said- you say it. If you think something is a better idea you speak it and if turns out a mistake you have to own you’re wrong. Politics and media and personal and professional lives and now social media- people try to create a perception and work to manage the perception of who they are- but that perception is manicured and usually based on how they want to be seen or the image that serves their needs- it isn’t who THEY are. Some people are perverts. That doesn’t mean they need to be rude or inappropriate about it- but pretending to be other than a pervert when you are is not honest and often worse for everyone.
Let’s look at honesty and perception. If you hire someone because they’ve put a lot of thought and effort into creating a perception of competence, but they are not actually competent- that’s not good. Faking competence might help them make more money than if they behaved naturally and their incompetence was clear, but it hurts everyone else. Now dating. Say you’re a p ervert or are deeply into some kink- you want a better chance to find dates and get repeat dates and you know a lot of people are “scared off” by your kink or not into it. So you aren’t honest about it. You don’t mention it even if sex comes up. Perhaps you go so far that your date sees something relating to your kink and goes “ewww..” and you’re like “yeah right…?”
So what happens if you two otherwise hit it off and things move along? You’ll either eventually need to spring on them that you are into this thing- which may be devastating or a deal breaker to them based on what it is or based on your dishonesty; or you hide it? Maybe seek satisfaction for it apart from your partner or live in quiet misery?
There is a thin line and it’s too hard for me to line up with how long this is already- but of course few if any person ever is completely open and honest and forthright. We may have thoughts in a moment we keep to ourselves like being angry but knowing we will not have that thought when calm. We may have things that we just want to be private for various reasons, we may have traumas and such we just aren’t ready to be open about or it is too difficult to share with the world. Things like that. We also have manners and have to consider others. Few places in the world consider it perfectly fine to meet your new boss…
.. or your friends parent or whatever and tell them they have a “great ass.” There are levels and nuance to honesty between humans and what we keep back because we do need to protect ourselves and information about us, our thoughts, our true feelings- it can hurt us. You fall in love with someone early on or think you could see marriage or kids and maybe you tell them and they get scared. If you don’t tell them and you feel the same way later, they may have now had time to feel the same; and if you broke up for other reasons it didn’t need said. That’s strategic and ok. I get that. No real harm there generally. Someone might use things we tell them to manipulate us or they may change their behavior because they believe they can based on what they’ve been told etc. so there are places and ways we may need to hold back. I mean- negotiation is about managing information. Telling your company you’re trying to get a title upgrade so you can shop better jobs elsewhere probably won’t get…
Promoted. I mean- there are reasons and things to use anonymity. Online there is identity theft and personal safety and other things. That said- I do think that being willing to put your name and face behind your actions shows a certain level of character or honesty. At the least a sense of, and ownership of, self.
There is a thin line and it’s too hard for me to line up with how long this is already- but of course few if any person ever is completely open and honest and forthright. We may have thoughts in a moment we keep to ourselves like being angry but knowing we will not have that thought when calm. We may have things that we just want to be private for various reasons, we may have traumas and such we just aren’t ready to be open about or it is too difficult to share with the world. Things like that. We also have manners and have to consider others. Few places in the world consider it perfectly fine to meet your new boss…