Be the monster you were meant to be. Not the monster they made you.

Interesting.. my dad is bipolar and my mom is an antagonist. (They have been divorced for over 20 years). My dad has unbridled RAGE deep inside. The uncontrollable rage you would feel when you flex all of your muscles and yell as loud as you can. With me growing up with this I refuse to let this rage inside of me come out. Evidently my grandfather was the same but would become physical with his anger too. Medication - lithium - for my father keeps his rage at bay but when he level's out and starts to feel he doesn't need it anymore he stops taking it and slowly it starts to build until the volcano blows again. Sadly he is on his 4th wife. I refuse to put anyone through how he makes people feel. The emergency fight or flight reaction to his episodes. Then when the dust settles.. if you come back.. he's a fizzy bubbly time bomb on egg shells.

And when someone calls you out on that hurtful behavior, "you're acting just like your <parent>," it breaks your heart. But you apologize, dry your tears, and try again. You may stumble from time to time, but the hike continues. Don't stop climbing - the view is worth it!

Ugh, this hits hard. My dad has narcissistic tendencies (his mother is way worse though) so my gut reaction is usually to be a total doormat as kids growing up in narcissistic households often do, but I do feel that spiteful darkness in me sometimes, especially when I feel like I'm being treated unfairly. Recently I've been trying to get some self confidence and stand up for myself more, in a positive and constructive way, not in a "I'm better than everyone" way, but damn it is hard. Usually when I feel like I've overstepped, I go back to doormat mode.