I seriously can't be the only one who writes the day that it's due on the paper.
Not because I procrastinate that much, but because that's the due date. Like what's the point of writing an earlier date on it? I'm sure the teacher doesn't care as long as you hand in the assignment.

There's not nearly enough fish on that plate.

I've said before that the passengers shouldn't demand the driver tailor their playlist to their tastes, (and they shouldn't), but the driver also shouldn't really exclusively play songs they know their passengers don't like. Just try to make a general playlist that everyone will like.

I love Pixie and Brutus.
"I am a battle harden dog of war, I have taken more terrorists down than you should ever hope to see in your life... But damn if I don't watch over this stupid mudball, and keep her from tripping over her toenails."

I can't tell if that's the face of someone who's delighted that half their work is done, or someone who is disgusted that it's so blatant.

... And unlike all the other times, waiting a little faster is actually possible. Ha!

Microbes listen to no man.

I know how the first world problem meme works, but I really, really hope that the original post was made before COVID became a problem where the OP lives, because I just want to punch anyone who thinks their candy should have the same priority as toilet paper, hand sanitizer, masks, just about anything that helps combat the pandemic, in their goddamn faces.

I read somewhere a long time ago, that Great Whites don't need to actually constantly swim in order to breathe, it's just easier than the other way.

Well... How did they get the dog? Was it from a breeder, or a shelter?
If it was a breeder, then yeah, they've probably got a screw or three loose.
But if it was a shelter, then maybe they're trying to make sure that at least a victim of the atrocious selective breeding process has a good life since they're already here.
Owning a pet that you'd otherwise protest the existence of isn't necessarily hypocritical

I fail to see the problem here...?
Like genuinely, I don't understand the complaint.

The timer doesn't reset once you've bought them.
(Yes, I know this is probably a joke, but I'm sure there's some people who really think this way).

I never understood this. Like it does make sense if the owner and the Head Chef are two different people, (and also if it's actually scripted), but when the owner and the head chef are the same person? Like you applied because your restaurant is failing, (at least I hope so, and not for a chance to *finally* get on TV), and yet you're being an asshole and jerk to the guy who knows exactly how to fix it?

Do you blame them?

And if they don't watch it, the Seuss estate might just ban them from making movie adaptions entirely.

Oh good lord, I just had a flashback to a past ride share experience I had several months, (possibly last year), ago.
This picture should have been sent to Uber, (if the driver wasn't reported already), and I daresay, he should be fired because of it.
Extreme you say? Well at least two of those "rules" implies the driver knowingly breaks road laws, to the point they're putting themselves and their passenger in danger.

ThoobFooboobdomIoobRioobioobg
That sounds the the Judoon's cousins, twice removed.

Unless this is a case of a lower higher up denying it, but a higher higher approving it, I hope you're prepared to come back to no job.

She probably will. From what I heard, part of the reason for her high ponytail was to hide all the damage the red hair dye caused during her stint as Cat on Victorious.

...I think the colors need to be switched.

Better hope he has a really secure job then, because just not simply having enough money that month to pay it all himself is a perfectly valid reason to ask his PARTNER for help.
Also, being his PARTNER is another perfectly valid reason for him to ask for help, even if you two agreed that he'd pay 100% of the rent when you two married.

I do appreciate that these sayings are coherent.