I have a lot of medical issues and I needed to vent and get an opinion and support about my many conditions. 1. I have hydradeitis suppurativa (don't look up pictures if you have a weak stomach, and I have a mild case so mine look nother like that) 2. I have paranoia, it makes me hallucinate black faces with tall slim bodies and sometimes I hear them 3. I have insomnia, but not awful. 4. I have a condition in my eyes called visual snow, there's a great gif on a page in wiki and it talks about it. 5. 15 and very overweight, but not visible. I'm very good at hiding how big I really am, and that's not a skill I'm proud to have.
That's just the list of the worst ones right now. I have been bullied my entire life at school and I developed a guilty eating disorder that's an endless cycle of me hating myself and eating because of how sad I am. I never knew why they targeted me, but it seemed everyone was out to get me.

I change myself as much as I can without using makeup. My skin is my most valued part of me. I have the rosiest cheeks and the brightest skin. Everyone else always complimented me on it and I never knew why that was the only feature. Why not my eyes? Why not my hair? Eventually I dyed my hair because I needed the acceptance from others, I needed the compliments. But it just made another gateway for them to make fun of me for. I was always the strangest girl, I'm the tallest, I'm the curviest (as my mom tells me every day that I'm just curvy, not fat, but my deep purple stretch marks would disagree) I would attract the wrong type of guy, if I did attract any, and the guys I did like, I told them, and I was turned down with stupid excuses like "I'm not looking for a relationship" and things like that. I have this ongoing battle in my mind between me and myself. That little voice in the back of your head that always puts you down, is in the front of my head, I can't ignore it..

Paranoia is not a mental illness. It is symptom of mental illnesses. Not trying to be a dick, just pointing that out. It's more likely that you have Psychosis or Schizoaffective

Disorder.

I know a lot of people who have very similar stories to what you’ve been saying. And trust them, it gets better. You just have to get through it. It sounds cliche and stupid. It sounds like I don’t know, and I don’t, but the advice is coming from my friends who have been through all of that- and some more. Don’t worry. If you don’t feel comfortable with yourself right now, that’s okay. Journal. Write all the good parts of your day. Like this;
Dear (your name) (today’s day)
Today was a good day. You.....
Then start talking about all the fun things that happened. Everything that made you smile or laugh. I find it helps to write in 3rd person. Try it.
We know you can get through this.

And don't worry about those stretch marks. Even I have them and I haven't been fat since I was a baby

But those stretch marks are the little white ones that are barely noticeable, I'm talking about those deep purple ones that scar as you get older

No mine are purple, I've got about 30 or so on the back of each of my thighs