Seriously Neymar’s a bitch.

lol this happened one time with me and my friend. One time one of her guy friends from school called her and was talking to her for a while. She was telling him what we were up to and how she wants to bring me up there to visit all of her friends. Both my name and his name are very similar and when she told him what my name was he whispered and said, “is she as sexy as her name sounds?” (Btw he was on speaker so I heard everything) my friend pauses, looks at me for a little while and says of course she is. It was one of the most uncomfortable moments I’ve ever encountered especially cause he had no clue that I could hear him.

How obnoxious. I’m seriously sick of these annoying ass soccer teams with whiny players and asshole fans. Play the sport and stop being a little bitch.

Now this is a dead meme.

I’m personally not a fan but I can agree on this

Literally my mind went straight to New Jersey though too. My family stopped at a gas station there for me to use the bathroom years ago, I still vividly remember how disgusting it was. There was shit all over the wall and ground, graffiti ALL over the toilet seat and toilet paper everywhere. I had to pee so badly, but I decided that I’d rather hold it than spend another minute in that fucking bathroom.

This is like the color of my cat

“I been getting dirty money, Jordan Belfort stacking penny stocks while I’m flipping these birds”

This is fucking brutal

I aspire to have a husband with this kind of humor as a Dad.

There are two different kinds of French sticks, if you know what I mean

Honestly I would still be afraid of actually falling asleep.

Not depression. Just laziness.

My cat’s name is Emma.