I’ve done this before, it was called my childhood, only it lasted longer.

I tell kids that Santa has to follow a certain rule; Santa cannot give a gift Mommy and Daddy can’t afford in real life. It’s an old law and Santa can’t break it.

David the gnome?

That’s why my mom said he only brings stuff for your stocking.

I have literally done this...

That’s basically what happens LOL!
My stepmother likes to talk sh*t that gay guys will hit on any man they see. So I asked her, “Does that mean you’ll hit on any straight man you see, even though you’re married?” Love how she gets all offended!

There’s a special seat in the background for you.

I don’t get it. The pictures are the same.
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Jk!

Vagina teeth need to be checked too. They call them lips for a reason.

A British shorthair.

And yet my cat doesn’t like catnip. I’m missing such fun times....

But what if I want my gifts to be lifts?

That.... might have worked on me...

We had multiple exchange students at my school, who were bored to death, because they had already learned the same stuff 3 years earlier.

I would have stuck the hat on my friend; my unwilling friend, to see what happened.....

I live in the Pacific Northwest. I tell ‘out-of-state’ people; “There is no Bigfoot. What people are really seeing are hippie women, who don’t shave, going skinny dipping.”