As a non-native English speaker

.... his head covers the words

Have fun with this, non-native poster =) http://crimsun.tumblr.com/post/2999167799

As a native English speaker, I have no fucking clue.

And then spell past and passed differently if they're said the same way

BECAUSE WE CAN!!!

or this one; A rough, dough-faced ploughman walked through the borough, although he was coughing and hiccoughing loudly

Why would you spell presente with an e on the end?

It's because English is such a conglomerate of so many prior languages, with their rules and words added in.Welsh, German, Latin, French, Galicia, even some Norwegian. Random rules stayed for something's, while doing away with others that made sense.
I recommend "our magnificent bastard tongue" by John McWhorter.

You cannot produce produce. Fruits and vegetables are grown.

A native English sleeker too

Because Webster tired, that's why.

Because: English language defies logic. Idk

The ewe with the flu knew who was due to get you through to the gnu with the number-two shoe, too.