So the government is laying off some of its high-ranking generals to save some cash. Instead of giving them a severence package, the higher-ups decide that for every inch the general can measure in which ever way they want, they get 10 grand. The Army general, being sensible, decides to be measured from the top of his head to his toes. He measures 72 inches and gets 720 grand. The Navy general decides to have his arm span measured. He measures 60 inches and gets 600 grand. Now the Marine general says "I want you to measure from the tip of my dick to the bottom of my balls." The measurers say "Are you sure?" To which the general replies with, "Just do it, maggot!". So the measurers swallow their pride and pull the general's pants down, only to find that he doesn't have any balls. They say "Sir, where are your balls?" The general says "I left them over in Vietnam!"
So a man is going on a date with a woman and hears from a friend that she has a penis. He goes "Oh fuck, what am I gonna do?". He decides to find out on the date. So the man and the woman go on a camping date out in the woods. Well in the middle of the night, the woman gets up to go to the bathroom. The man, knowing this is the chance to see if his date has a dick or not, follows her. He sneaks up on her and sees it dangling there. He sighs, runs over to her, and grabs it. She says "I didn't know you were watching." He says "I didn't know you had to shit."
5
deleted
· 6 years ago
Lol, nicer
Okay, one more
6
deleted
· 6 years ago
So a pair of marines are sitting on a plane when they notice an army private walking doen the isle. They decide to fuck with him. He sits down in the seat beside them, takes off his boots, and begins to relax when one of the marines asks him to get him a drink. "Sure!" He says before leaving. While he's gone, one of the marines spits in one of his boots. The private comes back and gives the marine his drink when his friend says "Hey that looks good, could you get me one?" The private nods and gets the man his drink. While he's away, the other marine spits in his other boot. The private comes back, gives the marine his drink, sits down and relaxes. At the end of the flight, he puts on his boots and notices that there's spit in them. He says "Oh come on guys! This needs to stop: the spitting in boots and pissing in drinks is childish!"
Tell me another
Okay, one more