Everybody Turn and Cough. Everything Will Be Alright If You Just Lay Off (MusicSubstance) VIDEO

You're beautiful @xvarnah. Not just the picture

You okay @xvarnah?

Hope you are

You're really really sweet. I'm genuinely sorry if I made you worry. It wasn't my intent at all. Life's just been stressful lately. Though I guess that's true for everyone these days. But I was letting some stupidity on this website get under my skin more than was reasonable from a few people on top of that, which was feeding my own negativity. It just wasn't good haha.
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How are you, though? Have you been okay?

Shh you're sweet. It's okay. It happens. I just wanted to know you were okay. I get things being stressful. I hope whatever it is gets better for you and you know there are people here for you. Yeah, I saw some comments on a few posts with you and others where I was very close to stepping in and telling the other person to go fuck off, but I know you can take care of yourself. From that, and then not seeing anything from you in a few days, it worried me. Stepping away is a good tactic to combating the humans. Sometimes when those humans are us.

Hmm, honestly I guess I'm not doing that great. My mom is not doing very well health wise for a several months (well really for several years, but much much worse the last few months). She is with outpatient hospice care now, but because of the whole COVID situation the hospice nurses were not coming out until just last week. Even still, they just check on her for about 10 minutes. I've more or less moved to stay with her and I'm taking care of her full time and working full time and taking care my nephew full time (who has remote school). It's even more complicated due to other things (of which are significant). I'm not eating or sleeping well and really just want sleep at this point. I'm okay though. I'm still haphazardly worrying about pretty girls on the internet. So I must be alright, right lol? Be safe.

I do appreciate that a lot. I'm not sure I'm seeing a light atm but part of it is just how I'm handling shit, and I need to work on my reactions. Won't fix everything but it'll help haha
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Lol well normally the comments don't bother me too much. But there were just a few comments and it was more the types of posts they were on. Like there's something positive about this and people desperately need that right now, and THIS is what you're choosing to say?
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I was taking it personally which is on me haha ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and that was causing my own negativity to spiral which isn't helpful. (Not to mention I've certainly done that on posts before so it was also hypocritical of me)

I'm so sorry to hear that. She's very lucky to have you there with her, making sure she's safe, and I'm sure she appreciates every second of it. But I can only imagine how exhausting that must be for you, and emotionally taxing.
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I don't know how you're keeping up with all that remotely. You're probably going to have to start wearing a cape and your underwear outside your pants if it carriers on much longer. Which will probably alarm the people you work with, but they don't understand fashion anyway I'm sure.
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How old is your nephew?
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Please try not to worry about me. You have way more going on and the last thing you need is added stress.
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Not eating - do you just not have the time? Or are you stressed and losing your appetite?
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I'm honestly the last person to talk to in regards to falling asleep. But maybe you could try some melatonin? It's a vitamin you can get from most drug stores etc. Not that you should use it all the time, but it might help for one night or two at least:/

Yeah, hopefully things will improve and you see the light at the end of the tunnel *shines flashlight through paper towel roll at you* It's the internet. Everyone reacts poorly once in a while or maybe a little bit more than that. With that said, I'm not so sure you reacted poorly, but yeah don't let it eat at you.
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Haha don't be letting dem comments bother you! I get taking something positive out of a rough and unfamiliar situation. I stayed with my mom in the hospital for maybe a month and a half until restrictions were put into place and no visitors were allowed. The nurses there were amazing. Even going to lengths to set it up so we could face time my mom. So yeah, I'm appreciative of them (actually considered working towards being a nurse after taking the MCAT - still do sometimes). I also get not wanting to spread the sickness, but that's not what that was about. I'm assuming things, and I hate that. So maybe I'm wrong about one (I saw a few) the comments you were referring to.

I ran out of space...Also, the sleepy.
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Thanks. I'm not sure how luck I would consider her. I'm not sure how good of a caretaker I am haha. I may or may not sing that "I'm riding dirty" song when the time applies - dirty diaper. At night I know I go in there stumbling, halfway awake, and I think she sometimes things she's bothering me. Which is not the case at all, but I'm just tired.
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Lol that's funny! You're going based off the assumption I don't already wear my underwear on the outside of my pants haha. Oh no, they don't get fashion like you and I do :)
It's definitely been stressful
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He's a ten year old stinker.
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*worriness over @xvarnah intensifies* You don't cause me added stress. It's the opposite of that. You shush
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It's a combination of several things. Mainly not enough time. Fix food for everyone else and then don't have enough time to eat. Then I end up snaking or something, but yeah stress is also resulting in volatile eating habits.

I've never tried melatonin, but I am aware of it. The main issue is that I have to get up about every hour and do something for my mom or nephew and it's hard for me to fall asleep in that short of time. You don't sleep well?
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Okies..I'm going to stop now. Pet my idanger noodle for me

Haha with my luck I'd have my eye right against the other end and go blind :p
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Eh it depends. I imagine they would be quite obvious to anyone who went looking for them lol. I attempted to stop before I got tooooo annoyed. At least one of the conversations was just devolving into asinine childishness.
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It sounds like your nurses were doing their very best. And that's exactly what you'd want for people caring for someone you care about. I'm glad they were so supportive.
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Maybe someday you can get into nursing, when things have calmed down some?
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Haha I think you found at least one of the conversations. I honestly considered deleting and re-posting that post just to get the ugliness off of it, but meh. As you say - it's the internet.

Haha well you have to take humour where you can find it in situations like this.
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And i'm sure she does feel very lucky. And possibly a bit of a burden, but there's not much to be done about that. It just means she thinks your life is more valuable than being spent on her. All you can do is reassure her.
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As for stumbling in half-asleep, she's fairly lucky you haven't zombied entirely. I'm sure she does understand though.
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An excellent point. All this time I had simply assumed you wore your underwear under your pants and yet for all I know you may not wear it at all.
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Ahh the terrible tens.
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Hmm. Have you tried doing maybe some meal-prep? Like I know someone who used to make huge batches of scrambled egg stuff and then make like 20 breakfast burritos at a time and freeze them and eat them later. If you like cucumbers they can make a good thing to grab quickly, too. They have a lot of nutrients, too. Not ideal, but you gotta take care of yourself, too

They need your help throughout the night a lot I guess?
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In that case melatonin probably wouldn't be the best option... is there any way you can maybe take a day off work just to get some sleep? Or maybe there's someone you trust who could watch your nephew for a night or two? Not ideal, either, but there's gotta be some way to lighten this a little for you at least
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And sleep has never been a friend to me, no haha.

I can't sleep and feel awful. I haven't had enough energy to respond to this yet

@xvarnah I saw this cute snek video I wanted you to see

@jmmcclain is it on here? And how are you feeling btw?

Hey you. No it wasn't on here. It was a snek poking its snoot in and out of a hole in a container. It was cute. Hmm I'm okay. I tired, but okies. Trying to be a bit more active. How are you? You getting some sleep @xvarnah?

I haven't slept. Save me!

I can't even help myself sleep haha. Can I interest you in a large frying pan?

I would love a pan haha. How about we just on the count of three hit each other

Get some sleep xvarnah

That would never work. I concuss like a peach

You too :)

Yeah, I don't think I could hit you with a pan. Definitely wouldn't want to hurt you. At this point, I think I would welcome my pan beating. I had a weird halfway dream about this or day dream or something. We were in the same room trying to figure out how to help each other sleep. One of us suggested choking the other person, but se decided it was too dangerous and kinky. We tried several things. Ultimately ending up laying down and just sort of cuddling facing each other. You fell asleep. I booped your nose and fell asleep. It was kind of nice in the end. I know that's weird. I think I'm starting to get PTSD whenever I hear a bell ring

I realized if all this quarantine and rioting and stuff were to ever fade and people could go do stuff safely, I could still be stuck inside taking care of my mom away from my place. Also just read what I wrote before and it's weird haha. Still want to respond to your ot6 message

Idk about that, I can be a very unpleasant person at times. Everyone deserves to be hit with a frying pan at least once in their life haha
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I saw your alarm post. Do you really have to get up every hour?
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Lol well at least we had the common sense to realize that would be a dangerous thing to do. The
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It's fine - I'm not weirded out if that's what you're concerned about haha. I seem to make a habit of popping up in peoples' dreams and daydreams. Probably why I can't sleep - I'm too busy inceptioning the rest of the world :P
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Hopefully it helped you relax some at least

Can you not get help in to help you with her again? I mean, you may still have to help her at least in part, but the pace you're going at now can't be maintained indefinitely..
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[Also, sorry, I'm not sure what the last sentence you wrote is a bout]

My mom didn't know who I was tonight. She forgot I was her son. I spent like two hours trying to convince her I was. Showing her pictures and stuff. It's stupid

How are you holding up? Do you want to talk about it?
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Does she have Alzheimer's? Or just a bad night?

I think I did want to talk about it, but I think I may be okay now. I wouldn't want to burden you with anything either. She doesn't have Alzheimer's. Unless she has just developed it. She may have dementia. She's just been in a bed for so long. She's confused. She still doesn't really know who I am

You're not a burden so don't think you are.
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Is she doing any better now? Are you?

Still though yeah. Thank you @xvarnah *gives you hugs*
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She's the same. Maybe a bit worse. Still very confused. Sometimes not even knowing who she herself is. I'm tired. I went outside some yesterday and did some stuff and it was nice. One day I just spent around ten minutes listening to music regardless of what was going on around me and that was nice too. I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but yeah I miss music.
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You doing okay lady? I hope you are able to get some sleep

I'm glad you took some time for yourself. You definitely need to be doing that, probably more often than you do. With some of the quarantine stuff lifting, I don't suppose there's any way you could possibly apply to have a live-in nurse for your mom? That way you wouldn't have to worry so much about them bringing any viruses in or anything
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Does music bother your family? If it does, there are Bluetooth headphones you can get. Not super expensive ones or anything and they have a strap connecting them so you don't have to worry as much about losing them. But they're good if you have to move around a lot or don't want to disturb people. Just a thought
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I'm doing alright. Nothing terribly exciting on my end, which I suppose is a good thing

In the middle of responding to this, I got distracted and I lost what I wrote and I'm lazy haha. I'll try to write it again later. Also, I saw your picture on here again and you're fucking cute

Okay...trying again at 3am. Yeah, it felt nice to havd somewhat of a break. One of the problems with a live in nurse is my mom doesn't have insurance. So that would probably be expensive. I would also feel guilty for leaving her.. It's a good idea @xvarnah (I wish I knew your name - I may have said that before. I wanted to use your name there. Umm <insert name here>), and I'm going to look into it. I feel like you always help people here, but don't get helped a lot. Don't think for a second you have to give your name.
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Music is kind of a personal thing for me. I prefer to wear headphones and be be into it. If that makes sense, but it's hard because I feel I have to listen for them all the time. It just doesn't feel the same I guess.
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I'm curious about you. That sounds so weird ugh haha. I don't even know. Okay. Hope you get some sleep and you have a brilliant day and boop some sneks and get ro.do things you love to do. Okies, be safe @xvarnah

Haha well that's something that happens to me on a regular basis so you fit right in
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You definitely need sleep, my friend. But ty haha. Though keep in mind that photo is still heavily filtered
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Is there no government aid you could apply for for her? And you don't necessarily have to leave her even with a nurse. Or you could just take a few days off a week and just focus on yourself and your nephew without having to worry quite so much. Idk - I'm sure these are all thoughts you've had before. Just seems there must be a way to alleviate some of the strain on you

As for my name - I don't know if you've ever asked it before or not haha. That tends to be a sticking point for people I've found - ive never been the type to give people details like that even when they've known me for years. Haha I honestly never even planned on posting a picture or anything less than anonymous on this website at all.
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It doesn't bother me that you asked to be clear, but I'm afraid you'll have to settle for calling me Xvarnah or whatever else comes to mind haha

It's nice to think some of my interactions on the website might have a positive effect or help people. This website and the people here, while occasionally infuriating, have helped me a lot, so it's nice to have some balance to it.
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Though I've noticed a lot of people on here are very lonely and hurting in a lot of ways. But there also almost always seems to be someone there to help %ick them back up. I know I've seen you do it for people more than a few times, and I know the people you've done it for have always been better off afterwards

As a side note - I realize I'm typing a lot right now, when I've barely said anything to some of the things you've mentioned.
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You probably don't, but please don't think if I only say a few sentences when you talk about your mom or other things that I'm not interested or would rather talk about other things

No that makes sense I think. I don't suppose a baby monitor might help at all so you could check the video every few minutes or so and make sure everything is still a-moray? Doesn't solve the "being into it" problem in it's entirety but might help some
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Haha it's okay I understood what you meant.
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I will sadly not be engaging in snoot-boopage because the danger noodle would get scared, but I appreciate the sentiment.
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I hope you get some rest tonight.

I hope you had a good day @xvarnah

My day was alright. Hopefully yours was as well?

Alright is not bad I guess. Yeah, mine was alright too. Get some sleep

You first

Uh-uh, you

Insomniac stand-off

Bring it bitch!