granlobomalo

granlobomalo


"All the better to eat you with, my dear.”
I huffed and I puffed,
And the house blew apart,
I’m leaving for now,
But you’re all in my heart.
[Feb 2019]

— granlobomalo Report User
Baby's first word 3 comments
granlobomalo · 5 years ago
That kid has his priorities straight. Baby genius.
6
All is well with cats 5 comments
granlobomalo · 5 years ago
Call me crazy but I don’t think things are well if your cat has full finger flexion and an opposable thumb. That is highly abnormal. Plus, they can now grasp tools. Knives are tools. And the cat on the right looks like he has murder in his eyes.
1 · Edited 5 years ago
Give me more attention or I will literally die 2 comments
granlobomalo · 5 years ago
I have a couple of Tinkerbell friends who will be receiving this meme from me right about now.
6
Just married 4 comments
granlobomalo · 5 years ago
Do a place-name like Brooklyn or Dakota, but call your child Benin. That way, he can either be ‘Ben-Ten do’ or ‘Nin Tendo’ or even a walking existential placement ad to ‘Be Nin Tendo’. See, options.
2 · Edited 5 years ago
Petit croissant 2 comments
granlobomalo · 5 years ago
That dog’s back looks like my sides in a few weeks once my winter weight has full, unfettered permission to return!
5 · Edited 5 years ago
Sudden loneliness 3 comments
granlobomalo · 5 years ago
I once had a class where the professor used the Random function in Excel to assign people to a group project. It prevented all of the smart kids from choosing each other to have a powerhouse group and took all of the anxiety out of getting rejected when asking to be on a team. He projected it as he did it so that everyone could see and no one could say the groupings were rigged. It might not be a bad idea if teachers tried that approach more often, or let students vote whether they’d rather do group projects by lottery or self-selection.
8 · Edited 5 years ago
How to kick a baby's ass 2 comments
granlobomalo · 5 years ago
Fortunately, he’s properly supporting the baby’s head as he lines him up for a sick piledriver.
3
'Go call your supervisor' 1 comments
granlobomalo · 5 years ago
She’d probably yap incessantly about the poor service, start barking orders, howl about calling the manager’s manager, and whine when she’s told that the customer isn’t always right.
10
Gotta diversify your portfolio 19 comments
granlobomalo · 5 years ago
Was bored. Am mage. UPDATE: So, classic Buzzfeed, I got reeled in. According to this quiz site, I have a Wanderer heart, was a Demon in a past life, have a Dragon spirit aura, and Wolf is my spirit animal.
1 · Edited 5 years ago
Selfie with a Goat! 4 comments
granlobomalo · 5 years ago
You are not alone. I did a double take thinking someone posted a picture of a hanged goat.
3
Long face 5 comments
granlobomalo · 5 years ago
One is an important component to help you race around town and keep you energized, healthy and fit. The other is a bike saddle.
8 · Edited 5 years ago
I'm a master at it 5 comments
granlobomalo · 5 years ago
If you knew how to spell, then you’d know that there’s no ‘master’ in ‘masturbating’. And if you’d wasted your college years double-majoring in Classics and Philosophy with dual minors in English and Gender Studies because some jackass hippie counselor told you to follow your passions instead of getting a STEM degree, then you’d know that ‘masturbate’ is likely some combination of the Latin ‘manus’ and ‘stupare’. Have you even opened a book this year? (P.S. The college major thing was just a hypothetical example to inspire our FunSubstance uni students to make intelligent decisions about their degrees and to drive the point home *cough*)
· Edited 5 years ago
Gender fluid party 27 comments
granlobomalo · 5 years ago
@mrfarenheit Given your handle, pretty much anything you say at this point should be taken as divinely inspired.
4 · Edited 5 years ago
A 8 year old girl found a 1500 year old Viking Sword while swimming in a lake 25 comments
granlobomalo · 5 years ago
Until I scrolled down and saw the hilt, I thought she’d found a giant, fossilized turd.
40 · Edited 5 years ago
Gotta diversify your portfolio 19 comments
granlobomalo · 5 years ago
I mean, I was thinking ‘get married and make sure your spouse is a different class’ like, yeah, I’m effing broke and they’re rich. For me, that would be a much better match made in heaven...
13
Anybody want some satisfaction? 9 comments
granlobomalo · 5 years ago
*Android users simultaneously lock their bedroom doors and reach for the tissue box*
15
"cuddles? please?" 2 comments
granlobomalo · 5 years ago
Yes. You may have all of the cuddles.
7
Call my teammates dad 1 comments
granlobomalo · 5 years ago
I call my teammates ‘uncle’ because they only like to play with me in the middle of the night.
4 · Edited 5 years ago
Unexpected domino 4 comments
granlobomalo · 5 years ago
Meme culture has so affected me that I instinctively expected it to spell ‘send nudes’ once they fell.
9 · Edited 5 years ago
Pigment stripped from leaf because it spent so much time in a pool 5 comments
granlobomalo · 5 years ago
Living proof that swimming pools cause transparency in children. Join the Anti-Clear Kids movement today!
15
A Kingfisher's underwater hunt 4 comments
granlobomalo · 5 years ago
Thank you Chicxulub asteroid and your resulting extinction level event!
1
A Kingfisher's underwater hunt 4 comments
granlobomalo · 5 years ago
I’m so glad large, winged creatures don’t just swoop down and unexpectedly devour us as we’re casually walking to the grocery store.
3
Daily Dose of Cute October #9 4 comments
granlobomalo · 5 years ago
Súper Meowio Brothers.
6
Too tired to think of a good title 10 comments
granlobomalo · 5 years ago
@title ‘John Wick Picks Dog Licks Over Paid Hits’
13
All my brown eyed friends, take a bow 14 comments
granlobomalo · 5 years ago
They were warned but they didn’t listen. Thousands of brown-eyed FunSubsters, desperate to feel appreciated, turned their eyes skyward and stared directly into the sun. Their retinas scorched. Their eyeballs melted into gelatinous slime. Their horrible screams could be heard for miles. The pain was excruciating, the newfound blindness terrifying. But each one - sensing that acceptance was just within their grasp - kept their oozing sockets turned upward to the sun. ‘Just another moment,’ they thought to themselves to justify the agony, ‘just a little longer.’ And at long last they each had what they desired. A feeling of being appreciated...
And eyes like pools of honey.
24 · Edited 5 years ago