Well to be fair I know an 80 year old that looks younger than him.

Its a ceep

I have a Usb version (actually two the first one they sent was doa but I repaired it and they sent me a free second one) they actually work fairly well the leds get very hot though so it's definitely not a good tool for self-discovery if you get my drift.

For some people, success is coming home after work knowing that the bills are paid you have all you need and have enough money in the bank that nothing worries you and your child is just as proud of you as you are them.

The proper term for that would be the throne of magnificent poops.

You really want to screw with people, make half the skittles the spicy ones.

I told somebody to shit in their hands and see what it sounds like to clap. Called another person a fixed-wing idiot. And not to forget dick-splint, family tree climber, incestuous mass of useless fecal matter. told another person not to use their entire vocabulary at once as they'd strain their last two brain cells. And finally told another person that a better use of their time than annoying me would be seeing how long it takes to fill up a colander.

Yeah well, still stay alert around them, even the cutest 1500+ pound cow will still stomp your foot and not even slow down (not to mention pin you to a wall, or give you two new body holes.)

Act stupid, win stupid prizes.

What? People never did that before? I use garlic Texas toast for mine, even sometimes throw a slice of ham on them.

Wrong hole!

You try going 50 years without a bone a see how you feel!

This is why I carry a few extra coins on me while I work. I can top this though, yesterday middle of early rush, register goes down with 7 people waiting in line, had to completely restart a damn computer that runs windows server 2003 edition because I'm on the 'manager register' so I'm dealing with that while I'm hearing 'hurry it up I got places to be' from 6/7 people (the seventh is a paramedic, so actually has an important job, is the patient one) I finally get the dinosaur of a computer back online hammer through the queue of five (two cussed me out and left) paramedic which never even said a single word the whole time walks up with a cup of coffee and a poptart, I tell him thanks for being the only one who wasn't a brat about it and send him on his way with $2.10 in free items.

Please never breed lady!

Give me the 1960 era car, they can keep the plastic can on wheels.

Good lord I've left better looking things on toilet paper, and I've taken better pictures in zero light!