Befriend him, then commit a string of gruesome murders and frame him for it, allow him to find out it was you, have him freed, shape him into a fellow serial killer, and coax him to join you. Works every time.

My parents have come to terms with my frequent swearing, inexplicable (even to me) understanding of sexual innuendos, and constant fandom references.

Arms race?

NO

The tea! Obviously the tea! This is just like the cereal problem.

The guy's face.
You know when you say you're fine, but you're not really fine?

HAND-le

Honestly Yukine puts up with so much shit

Imagine looking out of you window in the middle of the night and seeing that in pitch darkness.

"You stay well away from that one, Protagonist," warned the obligatory Friend-Who-Somehow-Knows-Everyone. "That one's a fangirl."

My dog doesn't worship me. He once looked me in the eyes and proceeded to pee on my brand new manga.

I got my dog illegally from the Thai black market.
...I did good?

I'm not crying you're crying

"Don't you have clothes in your closet"