Mine is the punch joke :D

Me

Which side of a duck has the most feathers?
The outside.

What did the fish say when it ran into something hard?
Dam.

Don't make me pick, I have so many.

Tell them all @timebender25 tell them. ALL.

eye yam stew peed

Two snare drums and a cymbal fall into a canyon...
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Ba-dum ching*

My problem is that my fav jokes aren’t jokes you can tell, they’re memes.

Did you know if you took out all of your intestines and laid them in a straight line, you'd be dead... :D

How did Ms. Michelson know her daughter had her first period?
Her son's dick tasted funny.

Descartes walks into a bar and orders a drink. When he finishes his drink, the bartender asks him if he would like another. Descartes replies, “No, I think not,” and disappears in a puff of logic.

A boy is taking his girlfriend to prom, he gets in line to rent a suit. He gets in line to dry-clean his suit and then he gets in line to hire a limo. He picks up his girlfriend and waits in line in traffic, they line up at the entrance to prom and wait in line to enter and have their pictures taken. The boy finally enters the prom and sighs in relief when he sees the punch bowl, there is no punch line.

Did you know about the guy who got his left arm and left leg ripped off??
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That's ok his all right now

A penguin walks into a bar and asked the bartender "have you seen my brother?" and the bartender replied "what does your brother look like?"
Gets me everytime

...it involves making a pencil disappear.
Nah in all seriousness.... pretty much everything about this guy: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diogenes

I have a new favorite joke.
An asian man and his wife are in bed and he says i want 69 and she said why you want beef broccoli now

A bus full of ugly people is going somewhere. They get in a crash and all of them die. When they get to heaven, the angel at the gates feels bad for then that they died so soon.
“I will each grant you one wish”
The first ugly person stepped up.
“I wish to be beautiful.” And he was.
They others, quickly realizing their dreams of becoming pretty could come true, followed suit. Each of them wished to be beautiful.
Then the last ugly person stepped up.
“What do you wish for? To be beautiful like the others?”
“No,” he said with a sly grin on his face.
“I wish for them to all become ugly again”

@pandaman1 ooooh shit THAT isi funny.

hey, i dont know what my tongue tastes like, can you taste it for me??