https://www.reddit.com/r/RedditsMuseumofFilth/comments/2xv4tu/cumbox_the_original_story/
you mean this?

is the placement somewhere in or on a living creature?

in his butt?

in his sister's soup?

He put them in a soup?

And I don't necessarily mean to denigrate self defense mnemonics. I just want people to realize that street fighting is a purely chaotic environment and any plan you have as an untrained person is very likely to not work, even with a compliant partner simply because of your own physical limitations (flexibility and strength mainly). We can't do bunshin no jutsu, throw shruiken around the back of a tree, or see chakra points; fighting isn't magic.

And four very small targets. Like I said, it's all very well and good to try and aim for "critical" strikes but don't make them a priority. Just aim around them and you'll hit them eventually; the four locations you listed are all in and around areas that a good strike can still do damage even if they miss the sweet spot. Solar plexus is near the intestines and kidneys, good for winding. Instep is on the foot, near the ankle. A kick hurts a fuck ton, maybe not crippling but still very painful. Nose is near jaw and on the face. Groin is on pelvis and near gut. There's a reason why leg kicks aren't allowed in Tae Kwon Do, it's really dangerous.

you see that thing on the ground? That's my heart. And you just dropped a bowl of broken glass on it.

The absolute law of combat is weight and strength win. Skill is simply an application of strength; if your strength is overpowered it doesn't matter how you apply it. If you're outweighed, run the fuck away.
Also, fight simply. Nothing fancy. You're not trained to do any bullshitsu so your body will not act exactly the way you need it to. Defend and run.

It's really fucking hard to gouge the eyes. Like...almost impossibly hard in a rock n' sock fight. Gouging only really happens when someone's in a submission and can't defend against it. And it's also disgusting to perform.
Ball kicking is also surprisingly hard to do. It's a relatively small target with several quick and easy ways to defend against. In order to land a crippling ball strike, you either have to completely break through someone's guard or land an unguarded strike going in a certain direction (I forget how); it's either you need to crush or slap, I don't remember. But anyways, it's really easy to instinctively defend against this.
What you should do is go for the kidney/gut and jaw. The gut is a rather large area to hit and impossible to perfectly guard the entire area at once so a good hit will slip in and wind them. A jaw strike dazes.
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Remember children, ninjitsu is bullshitsu. You wanna be a ninja? Go join the SEALS or Rangers or some other special force.

Or you could become passably competent in any sort of full contact martial arts and beat the absolute fuck out of your attacker. Or carry a gun.

A water cost twelve fucking dollars. That's like...hotel prices.

Depends on how much immediate oversight someone has hanging over them.

Oh I thought that was two 89s.

They have a flat blade. You can't slash with a flat blade unless you begin with either a hack or a stab. A box blade is too small to hack, so you must initiate with a stab.

Not with a box knife.

But just for the record, stereotypes exist for a reason and they're usually funny as fuck.

A slash IS a lot of pressure on a small area. That's kinda how you cut things. And with a box knife specifically, you have to initiate the cut with the point. If the point's not breaking through now, it's unlikely it will break through in a real stab.

I'd assume that something that can handle being slashed by a box knife can handle a few stabs.

Because people here don't like stereotypes.