MatthewG

matthewg

38, Male, California USA
Currently employed as ER Tech.
Proud father of 2, with a long-distance Boo.

— MatthewG
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Trashy pickup line 1 comments
I'm not a fan of twitter, but this is perfection. 3 comments
matthewg · 6 years ago
666 likes, eh?
Appropriate.
Deliveryman takes his job really serious. 6 comments
Deliveryman takes his job really serious. 6 comments
matthewg · 6 years ago
You'd almost HAVE to be! :P
2
Legendary 3 comments
Deliveryman takes his job really serious. 6 comments
matthewg · 6 years ago
@kakaburra Thinking of doing this with your presents.
2
Legendary 3 comments
matthewg · 6 years ago
@kakaburra If video games have taught me anything, it's this.
1
When I think about it now, I think she broke a law or two 4 comments
matthewg · 6 years ago
Just because they were "sleeping together" doesn't necessarily mean naps were involved.
1
Still one of the spookiest plot twists I've ever seen in p*rn 5 comments
matthewg · 6 years ago
And the Oscar goes to...
Pranked 7 comments
matthewg · 6 years ago
Long time, no Moon Jump.
Pranked 7 comments
matthewg · 6 years ago
Howdy, Border Buddy!
This would be me if I normally enjoyed physical contact 5 comments
matthewg · 6 years ago
*shyly MONCHes it*
1
Figurative middle schoolers 7 comments
matthewg · 6 years ago
Hard e har har.
3
This would be me if I normally enjoyed physical contact 5 comments
matthewg · 6 years ago
*eyes squishily caboose*
1
Thanksgiving is coming, people! Pumpkin pie time! 9 comments
matthewg · 6 years ago
That, too.
1
Psst! Hey kid, wanna see some kittens? 5 comments
I'm gonna go into Walmart and break every bone in my body 1 comments
matthewg · 6 years ago
Following for proof.
Another use for inflatable dolls 5 comments
matthewg · 6 years ago
"Look out! Duck! It's a mosquito!"
2
Figurative middle schoolers 7 comments
matthewg · 6 years ago
"For a good time, call 3."
1
Seize the means! I mean, the day. 5 comments
matthewg · 6 years ago
Carp, the fish of consumption.
1
This would be me if I normally enjoyed physical contact 5 comments
matthewg · 6 years ago
*pets eyes squishily*
1
Cue Meghan Trainer's "No" 4 comments
matthewg · 6 years ago
Don't knock it 'til ya try it! ;)
Thanksgiving is coming, people! Pumpkin pie time! 9 comments
matthewg · 6 years ago
This is the face of a pumpkin that has just seen a bewb.
2
Sounds fair to me 6 comments
matthewg · 6 years ago
*googles cheat codes for DK*
1
I call this piece "procrastinating on finals" 10 comments
matthewg · 6 years ago
Congrats on your finals!
1
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