Me and hubby it is the other way around. I say I been cheating on you he says what did you break?

My brother who is the father of 3 kids actually thought pee was stored in his nuts. He had no clue that sperm was in the nuts and pee was the bladder. I asked him if pee was in th nuts where the hell does pee come from in a girl he said out the same hole babies do.
*Face palm*

I went to disneyland a couple of weeks ago and it is over run with ducks lol we even saw a family of ducklings with their own secrurity guard lol Apparently when babies are spotted they call in a guard to make sure no kids hurt them.

And if you order this off the internet you will receive a white shirt with this as a picture on it lmao

God bless Texas lmao

Took me a second to see it lol

I went for my church to a resale shop kind of like Goodwill and asked how much if I buy all their purses. I explained it was we filled them with things for homeless women and hand them out for free. So they gave us 43 purses for 50 cents a purse. Plus they gave us a donation of 100. Bucks to buy stuff for the purses. We put in tooth brush a comb some pads a 20 dollar gift card for our local grocery store and a few other small items. We do this every year. For men we buy drawstring bags we also give them belts and shaving stuff. If you plan to do this in a big number like this do it during summer. But if you plan to hand it out as you go add can food that can pop open with out a can opener. Or add military meal bags those are even better. If you plan to go looking for someone to help fresh fruit is really good.

GOD DAMN DYSLEXIA! I reread "manoeuvres" at least 30 times that is a dyslexic nightmare! It had me so mixed up I couldn't even continue the story.

Cat: "Miss me with that gay shit"

Lmfao I would so do that.

Yes!
I would spend hours just to help her. You have no idea how she got like that. One teen asked for a woman just to cut her hair off. The girl had such bad depression she couldn't even brush her hair. The woman said no she save her hair and she did she spent hours working on one strand of hair at a time and saved the girls hair.
So I would help even if I didn't get paid.

Love the license plate

When my daughter was 7 she loved to help me cook. She did easy safe stuff like hand me things like spoons or something from the fridge. Her favorite thing to do is I had a table where I prepared alot of the food. She wanted to sit so I sat next to her. Well one day I was making instant mash potatoes I was using the microwave to make it because all the burners we're being used. So I put milk water and butter into the bowl and microwave it for 6 minutes so it is boiling hot. I sit it between me and my kid on the table. We are side by side her on my left. I must of put it on the edge because it started to fall. I leaned into it and shoved her out of her seat. I was covered in the stuff. She didn't get one drop. I had 3rd degree burns and blisters the size of water melons. My whole left side was so burned I couldn't do anything for weeks but lay on my bed. My husband had to change my bandages every day. I couldn't even shower for a week and a half. I would do it again all just so she won't

That actually happens more than you think. Kids will ask to be given magic to get better or to be no longer sick. So they talk to the kids before they ask what their wish is. They explain what they are able to do.

I be pissed to if me and someone did this and only I was having to deal with the torcher. He probably thought hers was fake. lmfao

We went on vacation leaving our pets (our landlord came in and feed them while we was gone) and when we came back our cat marsh mellow was hiding something. I pick him up and it is a dead mouse that looked like a tube of toothpaste. Since than he has been on the hunt for more. It was as if he tasted blood and now was addicted.
Soooooo kitty and mousey no friends in my house lol

I call you broke if you can't afford your bills yet out buying expensive things you don't need. O wait I mean BROKE IN THE HEAD not broke lol

That would mess me up soooooo bad lmao

Just so you know why we no longer see people with glasses this thick is due to compressed glass I know because I have been shown what my glasses look with out compressed glass and they look worse then these.