Oddly enough I was trying to find out if an earlier post about a 19 year old guy and a 13 year old was real when I stumbled across this..
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I didn't look too far into it but apparently they DID receive a lot of backlash over the whole thing. Which is probably good considering she also apparently intended to marry him in a couple of years, which I guess is possible if he has parental consent
Just went to her insta, she deleted all pics with him now, but left up a post critisizing society for “only being okay when you love someone if it’s someone they are ok with” or something along those lines.... girl needs a reality check in the form of a punch in the face honestly (also look her up, she has a video defending herself FEATURING THE BOY’S MOM... shouldn’t the fact that his mom speaks for him be enough of a warning that maybe he shouldn’t be having a relationship with an adult?)
Dating is fine. Sex is different. They wait 5 years and no one cares. My parents are 3 years apart, my grandparents 12. A 17 year old senior dating a 13 year old freshman and suddenly that 17 year old is 18 isnt a big deal imo. But if theyre flouting a sex life on social media (i know nothing about this) then they deserve the hate.
Supposedly they were celibate.
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Tbh I don't think that age gap matters-- when they're older. But as I said on the other post 14 and under are HIGHLY developmental years, and I don't think anyone 16 and older should be mix and matching with them. Admittedly 14 and 16 wouldn't be outrageous, but it gets worse the further the gap extends. It's entirely too easy to manipulate them emotionally and mentally and shape their entire worldview and make them dependant on you without even trying. If you want to be with someone that young because you truly care about them, you can easily wait a couple years before making a move and there's no legitimate reason I've seen presented not to do so.
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As a side note-- the relationship apparently came to light because her followers noticed a shirtless boy laying in her bed in a photo or video she posted
While its true in the development sense, a fellow student, friend, teacher, mentor, parent, relative can manipulate and adversely affect a person. Its not something people can be protected from. It will happen regardless. We're all an amalgamation of these interactions, good and bad.
Remember adults are in a TOTALLY different position than teenagers. Even a 17 year old and a 13 year old is too much. He's not physically or emotionally mature and their entire lives are different. Personally I don't even consider romance between 13 year olds very valid considering how much more development they need to go through. As a 13 year old I responded to frustration with fire, I couldn't empathize with others, I wasn't thinking about my future or adult issues; I was a kid.
That's the entire reason parents exist, jes5890, and why they're supposed to protect and guide their children. And he is a child. Parents are shaping children with the intent of eventually releasing them into the world to stand on their own-- as are more relatives. A romantic relationship is doing it's best to fin someone you can convince to stay with you forever and meet your desires and emotional needs.
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Keep this in perspective:
She can, legally:
-Vote
-Drive
-drink (in most places)
-smoke
-stay out at any hour
-travel any place she wants on her own
-get married
And a myriad other things.
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He can:
-ask his mom if it's okay if he does something.
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Additionally she's had a much longer opportunity to experience relationships, figure out what she wants (13 year olds apparently), etc etc etc. He barely has had a chance to learn girls don't have cooties.
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The imbalance in power in the situation is so skewed it's not even comparable.
And all of this does not in any way negate the point I made.
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Even if his relatives or friends are completely emotionally abusive and awful, that doesn't change that she claims she LOVES him. In doing so, she should be acting in his best interest. 2 or 3 years would not be devastating. If she can't wait that long then she clearly is acting in her own interests, not his.
Do you really consider an 18 year old to be all that smart? 17 year olds are stupid as dirt but suddenly 18 year olds are adults and emotionally mature? Doesnt quite work like that. I lived in a house with emotionally abusive parents, at least when they were there. I had to grow up fast. Some people are mature at 13. Some are still immature at 30. Not likely this boy is mature but acting like the girl knows better is expecting a bit much. She could have helicopter parents who never allowed her to actually mature. If parents are there for a reason, perhaps his mother is okay with it. Maybe theyre not together all the time, dependant on her. We cant know what their life is like regardless of how people are portrayed on social media. If the kids happy and not sexual with her, its not something authorities would care about. Its just something the internet enjoys spouting their opinions on.
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· 5 years ago
She might be mature or immature but that doesn't make her actions okay. The kid is still THIRTEEN and I find the fact that you're defending their being together so passionately very strange.
So your argument is if they're BOTH emotionally immature it's fine? O.o what?
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The girl DOES know better. People have told her better. By this logic, if a 30 year old wants to date an 8 year old that should be fine as long as he can demonstrate he is emotionally immature and the 8 year old has some concept of what taxes are.
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The parents being okay with it in no way proves that the relationship is okay-- if anything it's evidence of bad parenting.
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I'm really not sure how to explain the way brains develop at different rates and their comprehension and decision making processes and how they vary by age to someone unfamiliar with the concept tbh
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The authorities don't get involved when someone starts spouting racist propaganda on the Internet-- that doesn't make it right or okay.
You actually also seem to fall neatly into that last category you mentioned as well
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Either way you've still failed to address the fact that there is no legitimate reason for them NOT to wait.
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I'm sorry but almost every point you've made has fallen entirely flat to me
Nah, I don't care too much. You want to throw lower ages in as an argument but again, we're talking a relationship that can exist with 2 highschoolers. Seniors date freshman. I assure you this isnt the only case of a senior dating a freshman across the country. You only see numbers. I see a common enough situation so as long as its not sexual theres nothing wrong.
seniors dating freshmen is considered almost universally creepy as fuck in America. anything below 16 IS going to have negative effects on the younger person mind. It isnt an if, it isnt a might, its a how and a how much.
Must not be in the south I guess. But then Southerners are well known for being backwards. A bad relationshop can screw up anyones mind. A good one can help a screwed mind heal. You all see it as negative automatically for some reason. Thats cool. Like Ive said, I dont know what theirs is. Not gonna comment on it since I dont know.
I mean, tbh it depends on the individuals involved. Some small percentage of freshman can date seniors and it's maybe a healthy relationship. We have no way of knowing in this case. But I think @jes5890's main point is that law enforcement isn't going to get involved as long as there's nothing sexual happening even though everyone will think the couple is creepy, like they do in this case.
because there is more than enough amounts of physiological research that shows that it will ALWAYS be harmful to the mind of the younger one. There is literally nothing other than your opinion that backs up what you are saying. There is pages and pages of science that shows it is harmful to the child.
Always? I'd read an article backing up what you say, if you have a link!
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I'd easily agree with you about children 12 and under. Those are all actual children with developing brains and social skills. When you get to your teenage years, some human brains are going to be more adept them others at different things. I wasn't ready for any type of romantic relationship until I was well in to my 20s.
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Please understand that I think the situation in the post is creepy af, and the older person is really asking for trouble by being romantically involved with a younger person. I mainly jumped in to help reiterate jes5890's point that it isn't TECHNICALLY illegal.
it can very easy be considered illegal. There are many statutes in a lot of places that have to do with making a relationship like that be considered damaging tho it requires that the parents of the minor take it to a court and be aware of the fact they are able to.
At this point I've lost interest in jes's point because it's not founded in any kind of logic
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But, @jasonmon if any of what you said was directed at me, just to be clear my point was never about the legality of the issue. I think I mentioned that at some point. Merely that just because law enforcement won't get involved doesn't mean it's not harmful or an act that should be tolerated
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It's legal for parents to serve their children alcohol inside their houses in a lot of places. And, on that vein, as far as I know it's not illegal to drink or smoke while you're pregnant. It's legal for teens to vape (though they're working to change that). It's legal to tell a 7 year old to go fuck themselves if they talk to you. as far as I know in Canada it's currently legal to light up a joint around your children (admittedly they completely fucked the laws in their eagerness to release marijuana to the public so this could change). Sorry vulgarity abounds this comment apparently
It IS legal for pregnant women to smoke it, and for some reason people are shocked to find this isn't a good idea for the baby. But that's another matter. And, as far as I know, It's not illegal for a father to demand his daughter shower with him until she turns 18-- provided no one can prove he ever did anything sexual or such. There's dozens of things that are legal, but that doesn't make them okay or even safe. Most of these behaviours are incredibly damaging
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I know you're just saying that it's technically not illegal, but I don't personally really consider that a valid reason for people to engage in certain behaviour-- particularly when their excuse is they're doing so because they just love the other person so very much
@xvarnah I agree with all of what you're saying 100%: there's definitely a giant difference between what's technically illegal and what's morally disgusting. Last night when I couldn't sleep I just thought I should point out the distinction to beth for some reason.
Haha fair enough. I had a feeling that's what you were doing but wasn't sure if it was directed at bethorien or the convo in general, and it seemed also important to point out that legality and morality aren't always the best of friends
Not condoning in any way shape or form, but if that pic is him he looks older body wise. When I was 14 I had a 16 year old boyfriend, it didn't last long but there was definitely pressures from him.
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I didn't look too far into it but apparently they DID receive a lot of backlash over the whole thing. Which is probably good considering she also apparently intended to marry him in a couple of years, which I guess is possible if he has parental consent
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Tbh I don't think that age gap matters-- when they're older. But as I said on the other post 14 and under are HIGHLY developmental years, and I don't think anyone 16 and older should be mix and matching with them. Admittedly 14 and 16 wouldn't be outrageous, but it gets worse the further the gap extends. It's entirely too easy to manipulate them emotionally and mentally and shape their entire worldview and make them dependant on you without even trying. If you want to be with someone that young because you truly care about them, you can easily wait a couple years before making a move and there's no legitimate reason I've seen presented not to do so.
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As a side note-- the relationship apparently came to light because her followers noticed a shirtless boy laying in her bed in a photo or video she posted
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Keep this in perspective:
She can, legally:
-Vote
-Drive
-drink (in most places)
-smoke
-stay out at any hour
-travel any place she wants on her own
-get married
And a myriad other things.
'
He can:
-ask his mom if it's okay if he does something.
'
Additionally she's had a much longer opportunity to experience relationships, figure out what she wants (13 year olds apparently), etc etc etc. He barely has had a chance to learn girls don't have cooties.
'
The imbalance in power in the situation is so skewed it's not even comparable.
'
Even if his relatives or friends are completely emotionally abusive and awful, that doesn't change that she claims she LOVES him. In doing so, she should be acting in his best interest. 2 or 3 years would not be devastating. If she can't wait that long then she clearly is acting in her own interests, not his.
'
The girl DOES know better. People have told her better. By this logic, if a 30 year old wants to date an 8 year old that should be fine as long as he can demonstrate he is emotionally immature and the 8 year old has some concept of what taxes are.
'
The parents being okay with it in no way proves that the relationship is okay-- if anything it's evidence of bad parenting.
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I'm really not sure how to explain the way brains develop at different rates and their comprehension and decision making processes and how they vary by age to someone unfamiliar with the concept tbh
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The authorities don't get involved when someone starts spouting racist propaganda on the Internet-- that doesn't make it right or okay.
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Either way you've still failed to address the fact that there is no legitimate reason for them NOT to wait.
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I'm sorry but almost every point you've made has fallen entirely flat to me
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I'd easily agree with you about children 12 and under. Those are all actual children with developing brains and social skills. When you get to your teenage years, some human brains are going to be more adept them others at different things. I wasn't ready for any type of romantic relationship until I was well in to my 20s.
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Please understand that I think the situation in the post is creepy af, and the older person is really asking for trouble by being romantically involved with a younger person. I mainly jumped in to help reiterate jes5890's point that it isn't TECHNICALLY illegal.
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But, @jasonmon if any of what you said was directed at me, just to be clear my point was never about the legality of the issue. I think I mentioned that at some point. Merely that just because law enforcement won't get involved doesn't mean it's not harmful or an act that should be tolerated
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It's legal for parents to serve their children alcohol inside their houses in a lot of places. And, on that vein, as far as I know it's not illegal to drink or smoke while you're pregnant. It's legal for teens to vape (though they're working to change that). It's legal to tell a 7 year old to go fuck themselves if they talk to you. as far as I know in Canada it's currently legal to light up a joint around your children (admittedly they completely fucked the laws in their eagerness to release marijuana to the public so this could change). Sorry vulgarity abounds this comment apparently
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I know you're just saying that it's technically not illegal, but I don't personally really consider that a valid reason for people to engage in certain behaviour-- particularly when their excuse is they're doing so because they just love the other person so very much