Ok lol story time:
This happen just last week.
My husband works at a computer store.He is a manger.
So one day this guy is walking around the store my husband is in the back so he doesnt see him. Well the guy all of a sudden books it out the front door. The alarms go off and turns out he stole a few things. Now this man was being chased by the front manger (he manges the cash registers) but he is super short and cant catch him lol.
So my hubby hears what is going on thru the radio and comes out in time to see the other manger come back.
He says to my husband do you want to explain somthing? My husband goes what? They go pull the picture of the guy up IT LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE MY HUSBAND! lmao. My hubby goes dude I was framed! lol.
When the cops came and asked for a discredption the front manger said look for this guy and pointes at my husband. lol and my hubby goes yeah but NOT ME a guy who LOOKS like me!

I don't know if I'm happy or upset that they are not big enough to be a pet. lol

Check who's grandma just died and they had to get rid of her furniture. lol

The man lives where EVERY SINGLE CHRISTMAS SHIT GOES DOWN and yet each year he is more festive than anyone.
How can you not love Wilfred?
(-.-) *mumbles under breath* well there was that thing with the doctor and yeah ummm but uhhh

Story time:
My Dad's Father was a SOB. He left my grandma and 2 kids so he can go sleep with a stripper. Just to show you how bad of a guy he was his OWN MOTHER moved in with her after he left. And when she died she left all her money to my grandma and nothing to her only kid. There is so much more but you see why I say Dad's Father and not grandpa or Dad's Dad.
Well one day he was out drinking with a few "ladys of the night" and he walked under some people lifting a piano to a 3rd floor and the rope broke and it landed square on his head. Crushed him flat. He had to be cremated it was so bad.
He got what he deserved. The bastard. Only good thing he did in his life was have my Dad and he was in the air force in WW2 and was one of the first pilots called to fight along side of england before Pearl Harbour happened.

I am training my daughters kitten to sleep at night with her under the covers because that is what she wants. She got the kitten because her dog was stolen and this time she wanted a kitten. Also the dog would sleep with her in her room because she has night terrors. Now it is the kittens job, so far it loves to sleep next to her and even cuddles under her blankets with her.

I remember hearing of a woman admitting to putting some of her pee in her boss's coffee every day. And she stopped for a while and the boss asked her if they switch coffee because the new one taste funny. They didn't the guy just got use to the taste of her pee in the coffee.
So I wonder if... well... you know lol

What a deal how about I give you 2 "who's a good boy" and a doggy treat as tip. Awws make it 2 doggy treats.

Well actually the snake originally had arms and legs but as a punishment for tricking Eve into eating the fruit he was cursed to slither on his belly.

Tell me again the story of the little cheetah that could.

That is what I love to see. When people show life really isn't about winning or losing it is about how we spend the time between birth and death that really matters.

Did you hear that in L.A. they had the bat signal shine on the city hall building for Adam West. I swear I wasn't crying I was just uh something in my eye yeah.

Same goes to people who spend all their money the second they get it. Or spend it all on fast food. Show me someone who works 5 days a week 8 hrs a day and after paying thier bills has enough to get a stick if gum. Because sometimes lol that is me. We seriously one time paid all our bills for the week and when we were done I asked how much do we have left. My husband dug into his pocket and pulled out the only money he had. A dime. (We get paid weekly)

Because girls follow the rule keep your friends close but your enemies closer.

WARNING REALLY GROSS STORY COMING YOUR WAY!!!!
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SO my brother was sitting in my parents room with a cup of chocolate milk. But not just any cup. It is a cup from a local gas station that is my Dad's. This cup is ALWAYS in my parents bathroom. We know the cup because my mom wrote on it bathroom cup. Ok so we didn't know what it was for though. Well I say we but I mean my brothers didn't know. I knew because I was told by my mom. See my Dad use to get chronic constipation. And sometimes the only way it will "come out" is if he... (0.o)(o.0) pooped in the shower with the water on. He would use the cup to scoop it up and flush it.
SO you see why I freaked out seeing my brother drink from the cup. I yelled/asked why he was using it. He said he couldn't find a cup.He just assumed I was mad because it is Dad's cup. He told me to fuck off and he punch me if I tell he used it. I said O you REALLY dont want me to say you used it.

Wait!
Does Mr. Salad have cheese? Or ham? Or bacon? Or chicken? Is the carrots sticks or ribbons? Or croutons? (-.-) There isn't any olives is there? I hate olives.
Cause if all these questions are answered correctly I will go for salad... AND pizza lol