Your "wife" just happens to have little boxes laying around, you know the type that you would receive when you order something from a bakery?

Hell yes.

*wouldn't

Those don't look like Crayons.

Is that Chuck Liddell?

Having served twice, this is blasphemous.

"put lotion on"

I'd respect them more if they'd walked out on the spot. A week later? wtf

That escalated quickly.

I'm dying right now.

Ha!

Even better because you used a scene from Supernatural.