I've had an android for over a year and in that time I've had two girlfriends so yeah

Cavernous and your mom lmfao

That is so stereotypical! Americans have bigger knives and our toast has obama and Chuck Norris stamped on them.

I love the Dallas string quartet

Goals for my trip to Disney land

That took a turn. I was just like "oooh this seems like it would actually work." And then I skipped down to the blast line and I was just like "oh... tight lol" but then I read the rest of it and was just like "ummmmmmmmm"

I honestly stopped watching cartoon network as soon as they changed the logo because all the good shows died with the old logo.

Michael is an inspiration to us all.

You must hate me so extremely much

My brother used to shut off the main power in the house and make me watch while he tortured my favorite my little pony doll. He also used to throw knives at me and my sister used to steal all of my pants and lock me outside.

An imperial affliction

Here I am lol I want a guy who will propose with a ringpop

I literally sat there waiting for it to load for like five minutes.

What the hell did I just see?

Harry potter and the goblet of fire says: "What- what are you doing?" Said professor McGronagall, her eyes following the bouncing ferret's progress through the air. Lmfao

Sir, that is an orange.

I'm wearing a purple sparkly Minnie mouse shirt.....

It's all ogre now

DUMBLEDOOR!!

Notice how #8 includes punctuation in the sentence lol

Coz mustard gas is so fucking romantic XD

When I was six my brother stole my pants, put me in a jacket backwards so I couldn't get out, locked me in the backyard at night during winter, threw knives at me, and then told my parents that I had done that to myself.

Okay my question is why the hell did no one help her before that guy came into the picture. I mean you just stood there and took a video while that poor girl was getting her ads kicked!

She told him thonlyat she loved him.

I'm actually listening to one direction right now lmfao