My mom and dad should have gotten my adenoids removed then I could be a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist

Dinosaurs finally come back as their greatest enemy has died

Tea leaves around the world stop growing

As a proctologist I think I’m the authority here fire burns zombies and they slow down and eventually die

You gotta come at dem gators like a predator not a prey

I came here to attest the name good king Snugglewumps. I am have lived in Snugglewumps dominion for the past ten years and he is an mad maniacal monarch. He constantly pampers himself and pushes things off of tables to make his point. We are a landlocked nation and he sends people out to get him the finest salmon and tuna, while we the smallfolk starve. We call him Snugglewumps the Merciless

Grandson: Grandpa why didn’t you save the planet?
Me: GrAnDpA wHy DiDnT yOu SaVe ThE pLaNeT? That’s you that’s how you sound!!

There is nothing a drunk can’t not do

Yeah it’s the sauce that burns more that the cheese idiot

These Hungarian desserts are making me... hungry

He was trying to see what she had to write about with her boring ass life

So not boat sex with your aunt then

Don’t cry Butts, don’t cry Butts

Put some clothes in Chuckie you’re not a baby anymore

Typical right wing propaganda!!!

The daughter was drunk the mom was overreacting

She has his number in her phone as bae2 just in case I call from there