My new cat now INSISTS on sleeping ON TOP of me, and will start whining if I'm not in bed when she wants me there.

Its actually meant as a joke. The real ad if for headscarves themselves.
https://www.worldofbuzz.com/malaysian-ad-showing-woman-hijab-gets-ridiculed-heres-truth/

I will put the cart back unless I'm way far away from the return and there aren't any other carts nearby, leaving it for whoever parks in the area after me. Or, if we are in the first few rows I'll just take it back into the store. I worked cart duty for too many years to just leave carts scattered around. That isn't creating jobs, companies have made it clear that isn't how they work, they will just make 1 person do the job of 3+.

Why are you even on tinder if you already have a boyfriend?

I don't care if I was on the opposite side of the planet, if I left a table like that my mom would still find a way to reach around and smack me in the head.

This happens ALL the time. Its actually even more common that they will raise the price then put it on sale so the "sale" price is actually more expensive than it was before. More often than not they leave the price higher permanently.

I love how uncomfortable Jon looks between them, like he's stuck playing middle child.

Suuuure the corgi pup (or whatever small breed that may be) got up on the counter without human assistance. Totally believable