I have this "friend" who giggles at everything. We were at a fucking war memorial and she was laughing at their surnames. Today I told her I'd been told by a doctor that I had depression, little fucker just giggles and says 'no wonder!'. We were watching the news, and images of starvibg children came onscreen. She giggled at how stupid they looked.

I have irrational fears that give me anxiety at night. I don't open my eyes at night at all anymore, because I'm scared that I'll see something I don't want to. Once the light goes out my eyes don't open and I have to navigate through the dark. The worst part is the thought will be in the back of my mind cause I'll be trying to push it out of my head because if I focus on it the more scared I get. Sometimes I just have to ignore the feeling that something is watching me, and it takes a lot of energy to do that while I'm trying to wind down and not pump up my heart. The worst thing is that I'm always watching conspiracy videos and scary stories and I enjoy them but they always end up scaring me. The conspiracies don't even have to be scary, it's just the tone. Also, it's not like I watch them at night, I'm a coward. I'm fourteen and I'm a "bit" sadistic, but I get scared so easily. When I was scared as a child, instead of soothing my fears, my parents would tell me I'll grow out of it

But I think I should've grown out of it by now, I'm open to opinions, is something wrong with me?

Sometimes I think about suicide because my life is a mess and I don't see it getting any better anytime soon. My depression is starting to affect my hobbies and behavior. I just want to sleep all day and do nothing. Reading, games, visiting my family, and sometimes just getting out of bed feels like a huge mountain that I don't have the strength to climb. I hide my depression by working on a comic because it gives me a reason to keep going and I don't want to tell my family because I know they'll freak out

Just passing by and thought I'd try helping.
Sero: Your Grandma doesn't sound like the best but majority of those things sound like the effects of old age and weed. If she is old her brain is starting to dwindle and when you're old you don't care as much either. Unfortunately you might just have to stick it out so be brave and try your best to see her good qualities as well.
Silver: Your friend sounds fucked, either she uses humour to protect herself from sad realities or she's dense as hell and extremely close-minded. I suggest not hanging around with her anymore
Satan: I'm exactly the same, I used to do that all the time and I stopped a year ago. You will grow out of it eventually but that's totally fine. What I do is I take deep breaths and I think to myself "If anythings out there, they should be scared of me", so as weird as it sounds. I act creepy and scary so that I'M the thing people should watch out for. Sing a creepy lullaby as you walk in the dark, freaky af

Mighty Oak: Depression is so tough and with the extra pressure of work and just life it can sometimes feel overwhelming. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. There is always, ALWAYS someone there for you, whether it be here or irl and hundreds of people that would miss you if you left. Suicide is not how you fix those feelings, because you've felt happiness before and so you have to be alive to feel happiness again. You're so strong and I think you've proven then by coming this far and being where you are now. You can take a few days off to do nothing, that's okay but If you feel like work is just too hard, make a detailed plan and take it one step at a time. Don't hide your depression, let it in as hard and horrible as that is, let yourself notice that it's there and accept it, as soon as you do that you can work forward to dealing with it. It will be really tough and I know you're worried that you'll burden or worry your family but you should tell them, they'll appreciate you doing it and it will

help them know you trust them and they can be there to support you. If you're thinking thoughts that dark, go see a psychologist or therapist. They really do help if you open up and tell yourself it's okay to feel this way, because then you're moving forward. Think of the good days you've had and the ones ahead. You have your family, friends, loved ones that are all here for you. We're all here for you and we love you, you really mean a lot to this community and we value you. Xx You're gonna be okay

Thank you @parisqueen
I'm not gonna do it, but sometimes the thoughts happen

I think I'm suffering from depression. Probably have been since age 14 but I thought I'd just sorta grow out of it I guess. I didn't. Since my husband was diagnosed with renal failure it's gotten worse, I've been offered support before but everytime I'm offered it or ask for help nothing comes of it. I'm too scared to go to my GP about it cus I don't feel I have the right to be depressed cus my husband is going through worse and I feel I have no reason to be depressed. I'm very lonely, I don't have anyone I can talk to IRL and I don't want to burden my husband with my feelings as he's going through enough as it is and I feel I have to be strong for his sake. I'm tempted to self harm again (I used to scratch myself and pull my hair out as well as mentally hurting myself) but I know it won't help. I constantly feel like running away, not because I don't love my husband but because I don't know how to deal with everything.

I just want to sleep and not wake up (not die, but just not wake up)

As petty as i sound, I built my own computer a while back to play games on. Unfortunately, others seem to think it's just as much theirs as it is mine. It pisses me off, expecially after I bought some other things for it, and I barely even get to use it with part time work and how much time the other person spends on it, at least 7 hour stretches at least.

I know I already ranted, but I HATE it when fandoms make everything gay. Those two guys are friends, partners, teammates, but they are never going to kiss, get married, sleep with each other. At this point it's disgusting. I honestly cannot watch shows anymore because the fandoms have ruined the relationships between certain characters, ESPECIALLY Supernatural, oh my fucking god, that show is gone. Along with Sherlock, Doctor Who, and the ENTIRE Marvel Cinematic Universe.

It bothers me, also. What really annoys me is incest. Some stupid weeb once came up to me and told me that she shipped my sister and I. So fucking digusting.

E- I cannot say the word 'ew' anymore because SOMEONE with will call Richard, and then they'll fucking ruin the chat like they do every post

Not really a rant but it kinda irks me when people say the n word, I don't know why it just makes me uncomfortable. I don't usually say anything about it, but I'm black and I don't use it myself. I don't care if you give opinions.

I spat water on this one kid for saying it.

Yeah, that's why you're in ISS right? Did he get punished?

He'll serve my time on Monday

Ah, cool

So yesterday I got really frustrated at my family while we were eating out. They were basically just treating me like shit, being passive aggressive. When I ignored my mom after she asked what I was eating, I was called rude and disrespectful. As we left the restaurant I accidentally stepped on my aunt's shoe, but I said nothing and refused to apologize. She got angry and said, "Excuse you!" But I still said nothing. So she kicked my ass. I'm dead serious.
And then she called me disrespectful, again, to which I replied that I honestly don't care what she thinks or what she has to say.
I've decided that I don't care about her anymore. Am I wrong? I've spent the last day with these people and luckily it's over and I'm home now, but still.
I'm not going to apologize, and if she's expecting me to, I plan to ask her for an apology for literally kicking my ass.