Learn, own, do what you can to make amends and not repeat, move on to the next in a series of mistakes we will all be making until our last day. The only difference between those "polished" sorts and the rest is they show a better face to others and they've either learned from those mistakes or others already. Mistakes are just education if we learn. One step closer to being the best you that you can be. I can't tell you how to communicate best with your partner as every relationship is different. Heavy convos are always easier to tell others to have than the things we don't want to talk about- but in any relationship communication is key. Whatever system y'all use to understand each other and make sure needs are met. It's rough but hapiness and longevity depend on having the right ballance of it for those involved. You can do it. Look at all you've been through and you're still here. You're an evolving human being and tomorrow you can be a whole new you, one decision at a time.

@guest_ damn dude. I’m for real teary-eyed after reading all that. Thank you.

No worries man. You have people all over.

I know this is a couple days old but my husband and I went through something like this, so if you'd like me to share a bit I will. I just don't want to type it all out if you're not interested haha

@klymaxx, I’m totally still interested in what you have to share. We’re doing better but I’m still dealing with the aftermath of some stuff. Appreciate any input you got!

Well, I don't really know if I have any input because I don't know all the details. Guest_ covered the most important thing which is communication. I think it's important to know that it's likely that nothing you say will make her feel better long term. It's something she has to work through with your support. If she wants to talk, let her and talk with her. If she has questions, answer them. Try not to get mad because that might make her feel like your hiding something or like you don't care. You said that some things are embarrassing to talk about...things you want? Or things that have happened?

@klymaxx more things I want.. we’re both pretty aware of our sexual limitations though we haven’t quite explored them to the level we’ve talked about... She’s even mentioned being in an open relationship which I never directly was opposed to, but it kinda comes back to gender for me, when it doesn’t for her. The biggest thing I was trying to talk about in this post is the fact that I would feel self conscious, insecure, or inadequate to know she’s hooking up with other guys, but if it was women, I don’t think I’d feel quite the same. And she seems to feel insecure if I was with another person regardless of gender. (Though I’m not 100% on any of this, it’s all mostly speculation.) We’ve talked in great detail about potential MMF & MFF threesomes, but I seem to be quicker to want to explore things we’ve talked about than she does. Before I share much more personal info, I’m gonna just say if you got any advice or more questions to try and help with advice, my email is [email protected].

@klymaxx all that being said, any similar experiences we can possibly share would help, you say you’ve went through things with your husband, so I’ll assume you love him and you guys are happy being together.

Hey we must’ve been writing things at the same times. But yea, I’m not romantically interested in men. It seems we share quite similar experiences, though I’m only now experiencing them. I’ve been with guys before her, she knows this and that it is something that excites me, and being able to talk about that with her I guess made me too comfortable thinking that she was just super cool with everything. I’ve not been with anyone since we’ve been dating for the last year and a half but I have talked to people online and I did not tell her I was talking to people, so that was uncool on my part. That’s what I felt shitty about.

I like turtles.
In all seriousness... @alekazam Everyone stumbles; your guilt isn't going to fix anything.... ask for forgiveness... beyond that you aren't in control.

@alekazam If you don't feel like saying that's totally ok but out of curiosity, what did you relapse with? Does your gf partake of any substance?

@klymaxx, well for one my girlfriend is straight edge, has never smoked weed, had a drink, or pretty much anything besides Ativan, which she was prescribed for panic attacks, and adderall which she wanted to take for weight loss and to stay awake when she was on night shift and I helped her get... (which is kinda a separate ongoing argument, she doesn’t abuse anything nor have a problem in any sense but our views on substance use/abuse kinda differs.) But I relapsed on a heavy amount of benzos, which led to me going out drinking, and I’m admittedly an alcoholic. For the last 18 months I probably spent at least half those months sober, but not consecutively, I always manage to seem to find the desire to drink after a month or two of sobriety, say fuck it for a weekend, then go back to another month clean before it happens again...

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that (your struggles with alcohol). I was going to say that if you and her have trouble communicating for whatever reason certain substances in small doses can actually be very theraputic for couples. My husband and I have had many conversations while on certain substances and they really helped us to open up and talk uninhibited, listen to each other, and understand each other. Maybe you can suggest to your gf that you and her take a little bit of something together..nothing heavy, not pills, and not alcohol. Although if she's never done anything before that might not work out at first..mdma might be a good place to start. I'm not saying take drugs to solve your problems but as a last resort, if you can't talk things out certain ones can be helpful

Yeah, @klymaxx, that’s a delicate subject. Her dad was an asshole and a daily pot smoker so she is just kind of conditioned to relating the two. I wish I could interest her to some sort of psychedelic so she could get in touch with herself and perhaps have a better understanding of how I feel about life in general... honestly I’ve always felt some sort of deeper connection when taking acid or mushrooms with another person, especially someone I’ve already developed a deep connection with. But as I said she’s ‘straight edge’ and doesn’t really look highly upon any kind of substance use. She knows marijuana is beneficial and admits that her bias is related to how she grew up with her father but doesn’t seem like she’ll be quick to accept regular or even occasional marijuana use even for therapeutic properties... maybe one day....

Aw, that's sad. I wasn't really talking about pot though. Psychedelics are good but can be harsh on beginners. I was more thinking of mdma

Yeah. My experiences trying to find legitimate MDMA have always varied... like I never know for sure What it is I actually received, so I’m cautious with that even for my own standards. And yeah LSD while in my opinion is extremely therapeutic and helpful and let’s not forget how fun it can be be it can also be quite a trip and usually not something for beginners. I’ve had mixed experiences with mushrooms myself, and if she wasn’t so against weed and also prone to anxiety attacks, I would suggest something along those lines to start, maybe edibles or tinctures... But... hey, never know, my cousin was strictly against alcohol and all drugs until about age 25 or 26, until he started drinking and experimenting with weed, lsd, etc. and now he’s much more open minded and level headed.

I know where you need to go. There is a place, in the Caribbean IIRC, that is basically like a DMT hotel with a shaman and everything; ya'll need a shaman... anyway... do this:
1) ask her to stop anything with caffeine and ask her to document how she feels over time as that withdraw occurs... if she still feels panicky, see step 2 below.
2) Look up online the testimonies of this place; I can't find it exactly, but there was a testimony I found on Vox, hold up lemme go find it... https://www.vox.com/first-person/2018/2/19/16739386/ayahuasca-retreat-psychedelic-hallucination-meditation
3) discuss.

also, because I derive pleasure from saying/typing it: "abra kadabra, holmes"...
I wouldn't be able to come up with a more perfect time for that if I sat and pondered it for a weekend.
:)

I’ve never done DMT but I’ve always wanted to. I know about the Temple of True Inner Light in NYC where DPT is frequently used for spiritual purposes and I believe they’re open to other empathogens/psychedelics and it’s part of their religion so they aren’t breaking any laws (as far as I know) I’ve been interested but usually goes no further than just researching about them.

idealic beach > NYC. I love NYC, don't get me wrong.... but I can see how that would spiral out of control for the shaman keeping up.