Took a nap before getting a taxi and going to the Oregon vs Auburn game with my mom. My mom literally tried to smuggle 4 coronas, but we finished them before going into the game so we just started taking shots outside. Both of us, from prior experience (NCAA Final Four) expected there to be no liquor inside the stadium. We were wrong. Boy... were we wrong. I wound up being chased by a midget monopoly man because I wanted to take my drink outside while I had a stogie and only got away with it because before I was being real nice with the security and joking around. Seriously, fucker was like 4 ft 2 in.
Then, it turns out half the row where we got our seats was empty because it was apparently the handicap section, so while watching most of the game I was sipping whiskey, splayed out over 3 seats and chilling with a fucking golden lab that was a buddy for this chill ass kid with what looked like MS (I didn't ask, no need to bring something like that up, was about a good time).

Game goes down to the wire, Oregon loses, tragically... we're goin for the taxi, but ehhhh traffic. I decide to park my fat ass on the curb on an island and I'm just talkin shit to the cops and people waiting on taxi's.... my phone dies, my mom's phone dies... our taxi can't contact us. We hail a

group taxi with these three drunk bastards claiming they are going towards the airport (I'm 6 min from DFW airport).... but these fuckers are going in the entire opposite direction, but we have some great banter.

I know it peaked with the midget, but... trust me... it was all fucking bonkers.

This sounds like a fecking fever dream, I feel like you had too many shots my friend...

Except... I didn't. I had 2 beers and 7 shots over the course of 6 hours. That is NOTHING for me.

Well, that's an icebreaker story for the rest of your life!

Yeah.. But Oregon Sucked it. War Damn Eagle!

Eh... I got plenty. top 5:
1) waking up in a hospital after 31 shots in under 2 hours. I lost that bet by 3 shots... and honestly, at that point I can't tell you why I stopped I was gone.
2) waking up in my pool because I decided jumping in the pool off my balcony was a great idea... but slipping and hitting my head was not a good idea.. this was also a recreation of:
3) actually jumping off a cliff and it working, for the most part. My ass was chaffed... like hardcore Steve-O chaffed.
4) The time we were doing a physics project trying to illustrate acceleration and it wound up becoming a street race that put one car into a pole (dudeman lived and uttered one of the greatest lines ever: "What am I going to tell my mom!?") while the rest of us kind of.... well... wasn't pretty
5) The leg. This is hard to describe. I was in the back seat while the car got t-boned and didn't have my seat belt on. If my leg didn't clutch and "bend" with the shotgun seat I would have been tossed out the

windshield. I... braced it(?)... and it worked and instead my head went through the stereo.

6) stabbed by a dude on meth over 4Lokos.... 7) Accidentally being a party during a drive-by.... 8) the time I fell face first off my bike down a fucking mountain (only injured my sternum, ironically)... 9) the time I fell on my own arm, jammed my elbow into myself and broke two ribs while doing something (hoping a fence) I have been doing since I was like 5.
10) Having my fingernail ripped out because I slid down the rope in elementary school wrong.
10) hurt the most.

Idk why I went to pain first... that's fucked up

top 5 just... nuts:
1) first time on shrooms and I went into a QT (a gas station with a mini wal-mart inside). The colors!
2) Also shrooms.... I just watched Nat Geo for like 8 hours in a hotel. The crazy part is the shrooms were picked by a friend right outside the hotel.
3) First time I smoked weed. I was with a few other friends and... well... we ate everything.
4) The pool inside of a pool. We got an inflatable pool, put it in my ground pool,, flipped it upside down, put a bunch of blunts in a plastic bag and brought them "inside" and then hotboxed the fucking shit out of that thing (this gave me the worst cough I've ever had for 9 straight days... NEVER DO THIS).
5) Drunk basketball for the first time.
<_< that list is just all drugs. Drugs and brain damage....
I bet you wanna be just like me.

@this_isntme they sucked on it so hard they asphyxiated. What the actual fuck lol

Y'Know I was OMG WTF No way until ..5) Drunk basketball for the first time. And as an Auburn Grad I gotta have the story.

The Ducks Ducked up. SEC teams use the NBA rule. You only play in the fourth quarter.

Haha they need a stork to send that fucking memo

Aite... drunk basketball for the first time....
T'was prom night, the boys and I dance with a different rhythm so we aren't all decked out for the actual dance, but rather decked out hooping. It's prom.... we're also gonna get fucked up though. We went to an after party (this is one of the few HS parties I attended)... and just mellowed the fuck out with everyone. Honestly, it was really nice. At that point everyone knew what their next step was so everyone was just enjoying the absolute FUCK out of the moment. The boys and I are not done with the night though. We go to our secret court with two 2 liter bottles of just all kinds of booze mixed up. Miss a shot, make a shot, fuck it, take a swig.
That morning wound up being my two besties and I parked in the best corner we could find in an apartment complex with krispy kreme all over us. We thought about trying to drive back to homies' house, which was about 2,000 feet away.... but.... nah; coma.

Oh I also have to point out something else that changed inside of me on that night. Prior I was the stereotypical white boy murdering you with daggers from the 3.... but then I played barefoot. I've entirely switched pick and roll positions with all my friends so I can go do damage in the paint (mainly with passing). The creme de la crouwhatthefuckever though is this: 1 on 1, my ass drunk and barefoot skunking people. It took me sooooooooooo long, years and years of learning by being beaten by post up moves.... but it coalesced that night and then I truly became a nightmare.

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