Do you have someone special to you? Or someone who you think has been there beside you through everything? Maybe you should try opening up to someone you could trust

Make yourself happy. Solitude is a blessing not a curse. You don't need friends to be happy. Go do your own thing, don't wait for anybody to join you, just get out and do whatever you want. You are the master of your domain, take control of your life and chose your destiny. And as for the dark thoughts, we all get them. Just don't listen to them because they are just trying to weaken you and if they succed then they've won. Be stronger. You can do it.

I do, but she's busy and very sick and well... Lives in Switzerland and her internet is terrible and she doesn't have much time to communicate because of college

How? All of my thoughts is about someone getting up and leaving, and everytime it goes further and further and I keep asking for her/it to stay but *poof* gone

Stop relying on others to make you happy. If you can't be happy by yourself then you'll NEVER be happy. You can miss people but you gotta stop getting so upset about people leaving. You're very young, many people are going to come and go from your life over the years. It's life. If somebody you care about leaves your life for good then it just means that that person wasn't supposed to be apart of your life. The only constant you'll ever have is yourself, learn to accept that and you'll be ok.

How... How are you so positive?

I'm not. I've been extremely depressed for about 5 years now. I just don't let that control me. I know that if I want to keep going and accomplish my goals in life then I gotta keep my head up and do things that help me. You gotta be selfish to w certain extent. I've never really had friends, have always been picked on for being fat and a late bloomer when it comes to puberty. What's helped me is having a hobby. I love riding my dirtbike/bicycle, or going swimming or just listening to amazing music by myself. Yes it's great to share life experiences with friends or a significant other but it's not a must. They are just as amazing by yourself.

crfwannabe is right you know? You really shouldn't rely on others to make you happy. You'll be extremely disappointed. Even the closest of your friends will have to get away to live his/her life. They may keep in touch with you but you need to understand that their priorities will change.

So... I'm reading your replies and *crying* thank you. I'll try hard, I promise

Is... Is drawing symbols and finding new music and taking long walks alone with only my music hobbies?

Yes.

Please don't cry! Didn't wanna make you feel worse. It's just the reality I'm trying to help you see.

No, you only said what needed to be said, so thank you Book

Also, thank you crf

Don't be afraid to see your gp more people than you think suffer from depression and other mental maladies

I have selective mutism :/

Hello frangel. My cousin who is a few years younger than me has selective mutism and she is the funniest and brightest kid I know. I know its hard and I know its something you can't control, so you have to find true happiness within yourself. Its hard to not be able to speak, sp you have to be able rely on yourself to get you through the rough times.

I just don't speak in stressful situations or when I'm getting shouted at

Do you speak to strangers or people you've just met?

I seem to make friends and enemies fairly easily. I am an ambivert though