Last thing my dog brought me was a woodchuck, and I don't mean the cider.

Shit! The little bastard can see me!

A dog's "stupid" is one their most endearing qualities.

Sad part is, it's a boy.

That's one creepy lookin' baby!

It's called a butler or housekeeper.

Nice to know that I'm not the only sick bastard around.

I can empathize with the sister, I'm the only "boy"(old man now) in a family of 5 kids.
Every year, my sisters have a "sister's weekend" and ironically use my summer home to do it. They invite my oldest sister who lives several states away but exclude me.
They are all "bornagains" so I guess the mutual admiration society takes precedence over family. I blow it off but still......
On the upside, my children, 3 girls and one boy, do something similar but they have a "siblings" weekend.

Gotta love Mikey

Maybe if you moved out of mommy and daddy's basement and got a job you could afford a house too.

My wife puts ketchup on steak.....she's obviously insane.

Made me remember how cows stick their tongues up each nostril to pick their nose.

Sounds like a plan!

And does her vagina smell like a human being?

She's on the itty bitty titty committee...from itty bitty titty city.

Some dogs got nothin but love!

Real men fart in a deserted isle in the grocery store, crop dust the whole isle, then peek around the corner to see the expression on the face of the next shopper to come down that isle.........Ok ok, I may be just a little deranged, but it is fun.