Left out "drinking tea in the first place"

How about being a clueless idiot?...Oh never mind, I see you've got that covered.

Cinderella...she lost the other one

typical

coming from a place that pays no taxes and begs for other peoples money

They left out "Threaten to detonate your suicide vest."

And then flushes your dried out empty husk down a shoot!

Wow! A voice of sanity!

I have indoor plumbing, it comes out of the tap, doesn't create a bazillion tons of plastic garbage.
When I was a kid, if someone said that people would pay for bottled water, you'd think that they were either crazy or just plain stupid.

But doing blackface is racist.

At least now we know he'll die, everyone who drinks water dies!

I'm sure he was much more deserving than all the nonbazillionaires who were waiting on a heart.

That's an impressive canine

If God hadn't meant for us to masturbate, he would have made our arms shorter!

I distrust cheaters of all kinds,and by the way, it's a personal assistant.

How to impress a woman: compliment her, bring her flowers, give her gifts
How to impress a man: show up naked, bring food

Time to update your glasses

Lobsters,shrimp and crabs are bugs and they're delicious!