Why?

My new year's resolution is to stop and get some sleep

I'm still standing here

Happy Christmas to everyone

I find more funny that the person that wrote it is pretty much alive right now

You've heard of the elf on the shelf well, get ready for bed a little bit and then we can go to the naughty list of Juarez

I am on the naughty list because I have no idea how to do that

On the 1st day of Christmas my true love gave to me a lot of real things that I had never seen and never heard of

I put a spell on you and now you are going to donate blood to the heart of your body and you will have a good time

Well all I see is a cowboy-hat

Is that Bolt?

I know Escanor, who's the other one?

Once upon a time, there was a little child who was unfortunately not in the mood by a woman to become a prostitute. Only a few could reverse it, but fortunately for our hero, they found a chance when an animal was born accidentally in the US. Though the children was reluctant, eventually the hero convinced them to give them their birth certificate. The moment it happened, the prostitute was reversed and out hero once more become a prostitute.
It doesn't have a lot of sense

Initial D style obviously

Grab my phone and send me your number

Smoke and mirrors in my ass

2

Turn into a pro wrestler