Straight out of those Brendan Fraser mummy movies

Hot cops ammiright

A full moon in the morning is a great way to start the day

*fart ripped in family setting*
"Smells like penis!"
"That was mine dad."
Girl swoons

As long as the dominos drones can reach me I'd love to live there.

No one is sleeping. At least not without getting crap drawn on their face.

*sigh* if only.

I would open up a marshmallow roasting stand right there

Truly a majestic throne room

I think that I would've tried to stomp it out before whipping out my junk.

"Abusive 1950s Dad comes home from the bar"

Is there someone already in there? Is this 5 minutes in heaven?

He'd be a great racecar driver

Bet that hurt like a mofo

The phoenix force has awakened

I miss fat pratt

Hopefully this is in the south

Abe: are you guys reaching for your guns, because I've got a bad feeling about them.

Why dont microwaves have a silent timer. Its not like I'm ever far from it when it's on anyway.

Own it. Porn all day.

Let's not wait till the water runs dry
We might watch our whole lives pass us by
Let's not wait till the water runs dry
We'll make the biggest mistake of our lives
Don't do it, baby