I dont remember how to do those anymore

That's me and my fiance. We have a strict "no yelling" rule. If we are too angry to speak properly then we can call a time out where we will stop talking for 10 minutes and tey to talk again.
Its workes wonders for us. We may bicker a little and strongly disagree with each other on certain topics, but we havent had a genuine fight for almost a year

People who leave their trash like that in public parks, beaches, and theaters are fucking scum.
It's not that hard to pick up after yourselves

100% yo ho ho with a bottle of wine cuz I'm a lightweight

There was a girl at my high school that refused to bathe. I have never in all my life smelled ANYTHING as bad as her. The closest thing I can imagine is smelling a tonsil stone as you cough that shit up.
This girl smelled so bad you could smell her all the way down the hall.
You know it wasnt because of her families financial status because her brother and sister bathed like normal people

Now that's dedication

"Mr. Epstein. Mr. Epstein? Omfg hes fucking dead"

Omfg I still have this memorized. I still have it as a ringtone

If a girl doesnt want to date you then deal with it. "Friend zone" is a term that guys who cant handle rejection use. I understand it sucks when someone doesnt like you back, but you can either overcome the hurt and still stay friends or leave the friendship

I remember when some radio guys pulled this joke and half the public freaked out

It's not that powerful

When shits going down at work and you're on break

Me: more evidence of global warming
Government: it's those damn videogames

*me as a kid finding out Pluto is no longer a planet*

Lol boys dont know. It's better to be over prepared

I looked at it a dozen times before I realized I found it

Two billion boxes?

"Its Gonna be Me" by N*SYNC
I go on a hard nostalgic trip with that one

More like murder themed

Oh jeez. Imhoteps face