The spider, man

That would be so legit I would have a convo then kill it lol jk

Spiderman changed my life. i don't kill spiders anymore.

This could end up being a bad thing, though. You might have a mean spider that tells embarrassing stories about you in front of guests. Or maybe it crawls under the bathroom door unnoticed and, right as you squat down to do your business, it shrieks as loud as possible to startle you so you slip and fall so your butt hits the water. Or you might get a spider that hides under your bed at night and whispers "there are thousands of us down here, and we're going to crawl all over you the moment you fall asleep and you'll never know" or creepily chants "go jump off the roof, you're just dreaming. Go jump off the roof, you're just dreaming. Go jump off the roof, you're just dreaming."

i want a spider friend

actually truth be told if i could talk to spiders and they were as chill as this post says then i wouldnt be so scared of them

"HQ, I came into contact with the target, is the assasination ago?"

incredibly stupid but funny